Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda...

 

 

Working to shake off a severe case of the "coulda, woulda, shoulda saids" over representing myself in this custody/relocation trial (argument finished yesterday - judge to issue written ruling eventually)...

 

I coulda said this... 

 

I shoulda rebutted that...

 

If there had been more time, I woulda highlighted that...

Breathe and let it go... let it go... let it go...

 

Did the best I could with what I had in the circumstances... 

 

What will be, will be... 

 

AND...

 

What if the judge gives custody of the boy to his father???

 

 

 

Friday 13th...

... is never a Black Friday for me...

and last Friday was no exception...
 

In fact, it was a pretty good day... apart from boy's separation anxiety and distress that I was leaving him at home because he couldn't come with me...

I was mentally prepared and operating in the flow of the now, called in the energies on my way into town and could feel the love and support of the wonderful, caring people in my life...

Every step of getting into town - the 6.40am ferry, getting printing and collating done, having some coffee and a muffin and turning up in plenty of time - just fell into place... 

Even the weather was nice enough to not be too cold and to gift me with some sunshine...

Long, long court process...

Weird and unnecessary dance...

No lawyer, but a lovely domestic violence victim advocate standing by my side for moral support...
 

Lies and manipulations...

Commissioner we've had before - which may or may not have been fortuitous; usually it's a crap shoot and the person sitting there up on the bench has no idea what's been going on, what is the history and often misunderstands/misinterprets the issues AND is time-challenged and doesn't like/want to wait for it to be explained to them...

Anyway... after the dance was over, and the Commissioner had made sure we all knew he was in charge, I:

 

Got the Protection Order renewed for another year...

Had the Contempt of Court decision deferred for 60 days - boy's father has to undergo three reconnection therapy sessions with boy before boy has to go visit with him, which I had been pushing for; and

It seems the Child Support monthly amount may be reduced a little but not sure - commissioner didn't agree with the figures presented by son's father and the worksheets have to be redone - and I have some leverage to take action to offset or reverse that... AND it's time to manifest a healthy level of income...

All-in-all, a win... another one - the 6th or 7th I've had, representing myself...

Next step is a mid-March trial to decide about going back to Australia...

The cold/flu I have been keeping at bay found a way in late in the afternoon, probably because of the lack of sleep over the previous 24 hours and the post stress let down, so am feeling like crap...

It's been snowing today, and we're on day two of a three-day weekend... lovely...

Keeping My Eye On The Prize...

Tough few hours today...

Went into the city to file papers at the court house:

• Notice of Intention to Relocate (to Australia),
• Proposed Amended Parenting Plan, and
• Motion to Convert a Separation to A Dissolution... whew...

Oh, and swallowed my pride and applied to be considered a pauper, so that I didn't have to pay the filing fees (turned out later there were none)...

Sat in the Ex Parte court room, waiting for the Commissioner to make a decision on the In Forma Pauperis application...

She and her clerk got their knickers in a knot because apparently I had used the wrong forms - forms I had downloaded off the Court website!

Then she took a cursory look at the history of this case - six years of horribleness - and got it all wrong, thought I was - or should be - swimming in resources...

I tried to clarify what she had misunderstood without much success... When I get stressed, PTSD and perimenopausal fog make it hard for me to think and articulate clearly what needs to be said...

She was in a hurry and didn't want to listen to my tale of woe, and, deciding I had enough resources to pay the $56 filing fee, denied my application...

As I said, it didn't matter in the end because there was no filing fee... but she didn't have to be such a bitch about it all...

It's really hard moving between the world I'm working with others to create (which has no regard for all of this crap and doesn't recognise the validity of it) and then being pulled back into this one, to get procedural and legal issues - which do still have power over me/us - cleared up...

It took a huge effort to keep my mouth shut, and not give her a lecture about what life is like in the real world for so many people...

Then I tried to serve the papers on my ex-husband's attorney...

He wasn't in his office and none of the office staff would accept the papers and give me a receipt proving I had served them...

Called the attorney, left a message, and shall try again tomorrow...

And if all goes to plan, will be divorced by the middle of next week, and two steps closer to leaving this country WITH my son...

... patience, fortitude, inner calm...

And really, not much of my angst is/was about the process or the bitchy judge... it is/was about the journey with my son's father and the grief of unfulfilled hopes and wishes and dreams...