Strange Pain...

 

"People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all.

People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit.  Love hurts.

Feelings are disturbing.

People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous.

How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel?

Pain is meant to wake us up.

People try to hide their pain.  But they’re wrong.  Pain is something to carry, like a radio.

You feel your strength in the experience of pain.   It’s all in how you carry it.  That’s what matters.

Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you.  Your own reality.  If you feel ashamed of them and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality.

You should stand up for your right to feel your pain."

~ Jim Morrison

I needed to read those words today...

AND I so need to come up with some sort of mental/emotional re-frame that will motivate me to open and read ex's (sure to be horrible, if past experience is anything to go by) court response justifying why he ought not to pay adequate child support, and to come up with my own response, for filing TODAY...

A friend suggested: "Pretend you are an advocate for someone else in the same situation.  Pretend he is not really your ex.  That you have never even met him,  you are merely reading the particulars of the situation someone else is struggling with.  It might help you distance yourself from the initial emotional reaction (which is completely justified, by the way.   Praying for you,  Love  ♥"

AND... I'm not there yet... and the clock is ticking...

... and the universe listened to my angst and said:

 

Friday 13th...

... is never a Black Friday for me...

and last Friday was no exception...
 

In fact, it was a pretty good day... apart from boy's separation anxiety and distress that I was leaving him at home because he couldn't come with me...

I was mentally prepared and operating in the flow of the now, called in the energies on my way into town and could feel the love and support of the wonderful, caring people in my life...

Every step of getting into town - the 6.40am ferry, getting printing and collating done, having some coffee and a muffin and turning up in plenty of time - just fell into place... 

Even the weather was nice enough to not be too cold and to gift me with some sunshine...

Long, long court process...

Weird and unnecessary dance...

No lawyer, but a lovely domestic violence victim advocate standing by my side for moral support...
 

Lies and manipulations...

Commissioner we've had before - which may or may not have been fortuitous; usually it's a crap shoot and the person sitting there up on the bench has no idea what's been going on, what is the history and often misunderstands/misinterprets the issues AND is time-challenged and doesn't like/want to wait for it to be explained to them...

Anyway... after the dance was over, and the Commissioner had made sure we all knew he was in charge, I:

 

Got the Protection Order renewed for another year...

Had the Contempt of Court decision deferred for 60 days - boy's father has to undergo three reconnection therapy sessions with boy before boy has to go visit with him, which I had been pushing for; and

It seems the Child Support monthly amount may be reduced a little but not sure - commissioner didn't agree with the figures presented by son's father and the worksheets have to be redone - and I have some leverage to take action to offset or reverse that... AND it's time to manifest a healthy level of income...

All-in-all, a win... another one - the 6th or 7th I've had, representing myself...

Next step is a mid-March trial to decide about going back to Australia...

The cold/flu I have been keeping at bay found a way in late in the afternoon, probably because of the lack of sleep over the previous 24 hours and the post stress let down, so am feeling like crap...

It's been snowing today, and we're on day two of a three-day weekend... lovely...

Pet Peeves: In No Particular Order & Not An Exhaustive List

1:   Women who complain that their man and father of their children has to pay child support for the children he had with another woman...

Why shouldn't he have to pay?

How come these women don't stop to think how they would feel if they were left with the children to raise and no support from the father?

 

2:   Humans, mostly from the western hemisphere, who treat their pets like children and spend enormous amounts of money on them, when there are children in the same city, same country and all over the world starving, ill, abused, homeless, sick...

 

3:    People who still, in this day and age, throw rubbish out of their car windows...   What planet have they been living on that they haven't heard the same "don't litter" message the rest of us have been hearing for the past 30-40 years?

4:    People who don't clean the bath out after they've used it, so the next person is confronted with soap scum and hair from various body parts... oh, and disgusting public toilets...yuck!

5:   Cigarette smoke on skin, hair, clothes, breath... and the smell of beer on a person's breath, especially if you combine those odours and that person is also wearing Old Spice aftershave!... I can't be in the same space with them for more than a few moments...

6:  People who use weasel words in both their personal and professional lives.   I'm a wordsmith - a journalist, researcher, public relations and marketing consultant, social activist - I can see/hear/smell/sense them a mile off... If you want me to take you seriously and treat you and your views with respect, don't try weasally, manipulative, power-play words with me!

To Be Continued... maybe.....