Did You Know...

... that the capacity to 'endure' is VASTLY over-rated?

Enduring this drama...

Someone said to me that other day, that my job right now is to simply 'endure'... and that she marvelled at my capacity to endure... that she didn't know how I was holding it all together...

AND everything that needs to be done is turning into an epic challenge, with seemingly endless roadblocks and obstacles and U-turns...

Holding the reality that a wish to go back to Australia with the boy, has a real chance of turning into me losing custody of him, as his father attempts to paint me an unfit mother...

And what judge - the henchman of the oligarchs - would think me otherwise, looking at our financial and living situation, at my views and choices on "educating" the boy, at my philosophical and political views, at my activism?

What to do to head that off without legal help, without completely turning myself inside out for the system...

What will I do to keep custody of the boy?

What principles will I cave on?

Will it be enough to simply withdraw my Intention to Relocate Notification?

Is that still possible - or have I let things go to far?

And I have to face this - tomorrow... 

Am not 'prepared' in the legal sense because I have no energy or desire to play this game - I just want to go in there, speak my truth and have that accepted...

I'm full, feeling desperate, overwhelmed, on the back foot, confused, bewildered, alone, panic-stricken... 

And yet, I am not the clouds...

I am the always-present sky through which the ever-changing clouds of my emotions form, reform and evaporate as they pass across the sky...

This too, shall pass...

I surrender...

What will be, will be...

(and no, that doesn't mean I give up - it means I give up my desire to control the process and the outcome, I let it unfold...)

 

Sahila Once More...

... is grateful to all her friends who made it possible for her (and the boy and the cats) to have a quiet, comfortable weekend to recover her sangfroid...

and who said lovely things about her in character references...

... she feels almost human again... 

and it's Monday tomorrow...

and, seeing life has not magically resolved the issues in the past two days, it's "once more into the breach, dear friends, once more..."

from Shakespeare's KING HENRY V:

Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;

Or close the wall up with our English dead.

In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let pry through the portage of the head
Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as doth a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.

Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
To his full height.  On, on, you noblest English.
Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!
Fathers that, like so many Alexanders,
Have in these parts from morn till even fought
And sheathed their swords for lack of argument:
Dishonour not your mothers; now attest
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.
Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
And teach them how to war.  And you, good yeoman,
Whose limbs were made in England, show us here
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.

I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start.  The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!'

although, perhaps she might try a less aggressive approach...

Practising What I Preach...

@11am Thursday 17th November 2011, I sent out this message:

"To my Seattle friends... Please - I need help NOW.... thought I had the housing thing sorted out yesterday with the building manager, but the OWNER of the building doesn't want to wait for the money that was promised to hit my bank account so he can cash his cheque, and he won't accept a cash payment and says we have to leave by 12 noon... (and this is a week-to-week to arrangement so there is no lease and no recourse - he calls the shots)... 

He's adamant... says he'll call the police and impound our van if we are not out by 12... Boy is beside himself, as I am...

I need help moving us, the cats and stuff out and somewhere to "be" for a couple of hours to regroup... to find a place to stay and a place where I can write this court response which is due in tomorrow... if you can help in any way, can you please call me on ............."

Update - 1.05pm: Panic over, sort of... still have to move out today, but friend called owner and negotiated (how come men who bully women, back down when faced with another male?) that we have until this afternoon, when friend can come with truck to help us move our stuff/cats... 

And we have been offered a place to stay for a couple of days over in West Seattle...

And there I can work on this court response tonight, and caravan around the city to collect character references tonight and tomorrow morning...

There are unkind people in the world, like this man who would not live up to the agreement we had made with his son, who said he didn't care about our situation, that he was running a business and he wasn't interested in our problems...

AND as I said to the seriously freaked out boy - look how lucky we are that we have friends who care about us and are there to give whatever help they can.... see, WE ARE, AND WILL BE, OK...

Off now to shower and pack up... I am tired!

Exhausted Maenides on the Steps of the Temple of Amphissa (After the Dance), circa 1874 - Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema

and the thing to know in all of this,

is that what's happening in our lives,

is happening for billions of people around the world,

every single day... 

we are not alone... 

we are part of the 99%

 PS: this just landed on my FB page, from Michael Meade: 

"Through the exact twists of fate we find our own unique soul. 

Our true goal in life is to become that self."

 

 

The Challenge For 2011...

So, this is the challenge for 2011...

What are we, as a so-called civilisation, going to do about it?

We're pretty much out of time and wiggle room, if what the indigenous elders say is true...

Listen to the Grandmothers...

...for more information, go to: 

International Council of 13 Indigenous Grandmothers
http://www.grandmothers.com

Namaste...