Well... I've Been A Long Time Gone...

... and a lot has happened in that time...

the boy and I were homeless - in Seattle, on Vashon Island and back in Seattle... though we never had to sleep in the van or in a shelter, thanks to loving people in our lives, old friends and new...

we are now in transitional housing - we have a warm, dry, comfortable house to ourselves with our cats, with a big yard full of tall trees, in a beach-side neighbourhood just a bit north of the Seattle city limits.   And we have some breathing space to rebuild our lives here, seeing the courts said I couldn't take the boy back to Australia to live...

found out a while ago that the people the boy's father hired to represent him and give evidence in court on his behalf were FATHERS' RIGHTS people.... wondered at the time what was the hidden agenda being played out, given the weirdness of these peoples' actions and attacks - now I know... I didn't stand a chance against them, especially without an attorney representing me...

and I have to say I am seriously pissy that total strangers, with an anti-woman axe to grind, have managed to interfere in our lives so much!  There are things to be done about that - all in good time...

have pulled back from much of the social activism I was doing, including this blog, obviously!   Much of what I was seeing going on in the world and was dealing with personally, was making me angry and bitter and cynical, and using that anger to fuel my social justice advocacy, and having that arena as a place to vent my resentment, wasn't working any longer... I had to step back and focus on our own immediate environment and needs...

and I have been doing a second go-around with breast cancer... After a year of dithering and playing around with alternative ideas regarding treatment, I finally put my hand up for some neo-adjuvant chemotherapy to shrink the tumours prior to surgery and radiation... it hasn't been much fun and the novelty really and truly has worn off!  

and we have been doing unschooling stuff with classes on basic electronics, geology, astronomy and chemistry... and the boy started Aikido three months ago, loves it and has already earned his yellow stripe... he's aiming for a black belt, he tells me...

looking forward to the arrival of daughter number 2 in December, staying for a month... Haven't seen her for almost 10 years...

and so very, very grateful for all the kindred spirits in our lives, who have loved and supported us, and continue to do that, as we are walking this path... 

speaking of this blog... am kinda committed to getting it back up and running... I notice that on many older posts, the embedded videos no longer work - Youtube pulled them for various reasons.... I don't have the energy right now to go and find new pieces to replace them, and I probably never will have the motivation!   Sorry about that!

Birthday Present Registry...

Dear Universe...

you know it's my birthday soon, right?

(AND the boy's birthday 27 days later, right?)...

AND you know it'll be the start of my first adult year (as per the medicine wheel) right? 

Well, all I want for my birthday this year, is a long term HOME (on Vashon) for me and the boy and the cats, with our stuff in it/out of storage, with the means to live there in comfort, with ease, dignity and grace...

We're done with the gypsying - grateful for the experience, thank you...

AND storage fees go up on the 1st July...

AND we have better things to spend our money on...

so, there you go - that's my birthday wish/intention...

AND so it is... Blessings Be... AUM...

PS:
oh, AND an all expenses paid, all needs/desires met, indefinite sojourn on a sunny, sandy beach with shade when and where I want it, would be good about now...

AND you'll have to sort out the visitation/passport/travel issues to make that happen so that the boy can come too...

How about it, Life?

WOW - thanks...

Manifesting in 3,2,1...

UNSCHOOLED YOUNGSTER,

TWO CATS and

ME (crone hippy wannabe with strong pragmatic streak),

DESIRING SOMEWHERE LONG TERM, SEMI-PERMANENT

TO LIVE AND WORK

From June 1st...

We've been living on Vashon Island with friends while waiting for our personal situation to solidify...

Which it has - I keep custody of the boy AND we have to stay living here in the US...

Time now to settle, give our loving, generous, patient friends their space back...

In the "BEST-OF-ALL-POSSIBLE-WORLDS" I see in my visions,

we're living here on Vashon...

• in a community...
• with compatible, loving, like-minded, awake and aware, creative, sober folk...
• in an eco-friendly, sustainable environment (earth house and/or small farm style etc with a garden, orchard, bees, poultry, goats, PEACOCKS! etc - I'm willing to help make that happen)...
• moving towards an organic, whole food/paleo diet...
• near water with a view of the mountain...
• with other children...
• with a separate room/studio I can use as my office and for my breath work and spiritual/life coaching practice...
• with all the resources we need to support and care for ourselves, our community, the land, air and water, to live fully and richly...

I'm mature, self-aware, non-judgemental, very left/progressive/anarchic-leaning social justice activist, independent in nature, plain speaking (with love), real, with a sarcastic, sardonic, mildly black sense of humour, focusing on supporting Occupy/99% Spring activities, highlighting alternative economies, alternative forms of social organisation and public education issues...

The boy's loving, giving, mature, intelligent, curious, gentle, calm, respectful, funny...

The cats are mature, spayed/neutered, house-trained, calm, sane, indoor-outdoor...

I have lots of skills to share - see here:

mainstream = communication, marketing, PR, research, project management = http://www.metamind-creative.com/ ;
alternative = healer/shaman/therapist/minister/birth, death, marriage celebrant = http://www.metamind-spirit.com/ ;
activist = http://www.sahilachangebringer.blogspot.com/ ; 

http://www.linkedin.com/in/changebringer

plus interior design, renovation/building project management, housekeeping, child and elder care, cooking, knitting etc...

I have a complete household of stuff in storage, which I'm happy to share with others...

We will contribute cash to rent/mortgage, household costs and food...

Preferred alternatives would be to:

• RENT a "tiny" house/cottage (less than 600 sq ft) OR
• HOUSE-SIT long-term OR
• WORK as residential property manager in exchange for free rent of 2-bedroom apartment, condo, house...

 again, near water, surrounded by green,

with a view of the mountain...

Thanks Universe, for making this a reality in 3D,

for our highest good and the highest good of all

AND SO IT IS

Namaste 

Sahila

This Is Now...

"It takes courage to heal.

It takes courage to speak on behalf of the whole, to be a voice, a full expression for the Earth and for its diverse species, for all human life, for a consciousness that knows that peace is our inheritance and that our responsibility is to reveal our interdependence.

It takes courage for science and spirituality to dialogue and illuminate new possibilities for humankind.

It takes courage to reach towards the manifestation of a vision that transforms enemies into allies and disillusionment into hope.

But you were born for such a time as this."

~ James O'Dea

...another beautiful spring day here on Vashon Island...

amazing how exposure to sunlight over two consecutive days can alter my mood - for the better!

oh, and remembering that other people's moods and issues are not necessarily anything to do with/about me - they MIGHT be, but chances are they're not...

and reminding myself just to stay in this very moment, in the NOW, where everything is OK...

"When you go home to the present moment, you touch the wonders of life that are inside you and around you.

Just enjoy this moment; you don't have to wait for tomorrow to have peace and joy."

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

and reminding myself that I'm powerful and strong and can/will deal with whatever the next step is...

and that it's up to me, how this story ends and how I experience that ending...

and at the same time, while...

... I am not alone in this...

... it's all in the perspective ...

Knock, Knock, Anyone There?

... still here... just no head space to write/finish any posts at the moment...

My focus is on the trial this week, where a judge will decide whether or not I can take the boy back to Australia to live and/or whether or not to give his father custody, regardless of whether I stay or go...

I don't have my act together in the way I would have done a dozen or so years ago AND it's pretty much a schamozzle with not being clear on what I need to do, submit, say and with missing filing deadlines AND I am doing the best I can with what I have, where I'm at...

Hard to read opposing attorney's court material painting me as a horrible person and parent... especially as the day before in a meeting and on the phone, he was playing nice in an effort to get me to drop all of this and to allow ex full, unfettered access to us both, in return for ex being "co-operative" and "generous"...

On the plus side... have the support of wonderful friends... heartwarming! AND have worked the last two weekends - one breath session and two readings via the net... wonderful to be back at doing what is my calling AND to be rewarded with some dollars for that... maybe the drought has ended...

Stormy early morning here on Vashon... fitting, I think...

No idea what the day will bring - have to wait to hear from the courts what needs to happen next, given I didn't get the trial brief in on Friday (not for want of trying!)...

In fact, it was very trying(!) to work so hard on getting the documents together and then to be stymied by printing, photocopying and collating issues taking huge amounts of time to overcome...

And have promised the very patient boy a playdate with friends...

I'll Be Back...

Recorded at Tyler Ward Studios
Song written by: Eppic, Jess Moskaluke, Tiffany Vartanyan
Music Produced by Tyler Ward
Mixed By Tyler Ward
Video shot and edited by Sean Hagwell

LYRICS:

(Chorus)
If there was a way to create perfect
Make your life feel so damn worth it
I'd erase the black and blue
There's no way to stop the hurting
But I can rip open those curtains
So you can see what's left in you

(Verse 1)
How am i to get through to you i'm finding myself devising/ ways to diminish the ominous ora above your horizon/
intoxicated with hatred, toxicated by a love thats cosmic/
such a faint complex melody and you provide the harmonic/ Highly unlikely for me to hit the ground lightly/ could someone tell me how far ive fallen pricesly/ cause until today i've been improvising/ detach yourself from these anchors/ that keep pulling you under, wont you allow me to be your savior/ consider this to be your attempt to walk on water so you don't on the surface/ wont remain unchanged, will remain forever imperfect/ you mean everything to me
whether I'm drained, weak, fatigued/ I shall be your radiance your remedy.

(Verse 2)

if there were some way, avoiding superhero clichés/
have yet to exceed my extent/ getting you to see what's left in you is truly my intent/ memorize my lines to the script/
is it that what you seek, isn't quiet discrete, but i need you to look beyond the imperfections/ look beyond how your perceived, even with a crush self-esteem/ there's no getting through to you, you were through me, and you expect me to/ leave you to take on these lions, stranded on some island
No rescue/ this is just the storm before the calm, a middle finger to the devil/ took until now for me to realize/
while god is putting you through your storms, god is putting me through mine/ but if this is how you want to live your life i won't get involved/ but i'm sure as hell ain't about to let you wash your regrets in alcohol/ what pages have yet to be decoded/ deciphered by the writer such a metaphorical poet/ you mean everything to me whether I'm drained, weak, fatigue/ I shall be your radiance your remedy.

(Chorus)

If there was a way to create perfect
Make your life feel so damn worth it
I'd Erase the black and blue
There's no way to stop the hurting
But I can rip open those curtains
So you can see what's left in you
It's just the storm before the calm
the storm before the calm
the storm before the calm
Its just the storm before the

(Bridge)
I wish you could see the light
wish you could see the light
wish you could see the light
on the other side of you
the light I see through you

If Once You Have Slept On An Island...

... You'll never quite be the same;
You may look as you looked the day before
And go by the same old name.

You may bustle about in street and shop,
You may sit at home and sew,
But you'll see blue water and wheeling gulls
Wherever your feet may go.

You may chat with the neighbors of this and that
And close to your fire keep
But you'll hear ship whistle and lighthouse bell
And tides beat through your sleep.

Oh, you won't know why, and you can't say how
Such a change upon you came,
But - once you've slept on an island
You'll never quite be the same.

~ Rachel Field

Spring Fever...

... in the middle of a mid-winter "snow event" on Vashon Island, Washington

Jittery, impatient, nervous, jumpy, anxious, expectant, excited, exhilarated, confused, frustrated, waiting for something to change, but not knowing what, feeling I ought to be DOING something but not knowing what...

Maybe it's just the anti-climax after Friday; maybe it's just cabin fever...

Maybe it's yearning for a move into a more stable situation, with our own space and our own stuff around us...

Maybe it's missing yet another of my elder children's birthdays...

Maybe it's tuning into what's going on in the world, especially the Occupy Wall Street action in Washington DC today - a huge part of me so wishes I was there...


Whatever it is, Rodgers and Hammerstein captured the feeling perfectly...

 
LYRICS:

 

... I'm as restless as a willow in a wind storm,

I'm as jumpy as puppet on a string
I'd say that I had spring fever, but I know it isn't spring
 

I am starry eyed and vaguely discontented,

like a nightingale without a song to sing
O why should I have spring fever, when it isn't even spring

 

I keep wishing I were someone else, walking down a strange new street
And hearing words that I've never heard from a girl I've yet to meet
 

I'm as busy as spider spinning daydreams, 
I'm as giddy as a baby on a swing

I haven't seen a crocus or a rosebud, or a robin on the wing

But I feel so gay in a melancholy way, that it might as well be spring

It might as well be spring...

 

Friday 13th...

... is never a Black Friday for me...

and last Friday was no exception...
 

In fact, it was a pretty good day... apart from boy's separation anxiety and distress that I was leaving him at home because he couldn't come with me...

I was mentally prepared and operating in the flow of the now, called in the energies on my way into town and could feel the love and support of the wonderful, caring people in my life...

Every step of getting into town - the 6.40am ferry, getting printing and collating done, having some coffee and a muffin and turning up in plenty of time - just fell into place... 

Even the weather was nice enough to not be too cold and to gift me with some sunshine...

Long, long court process...

Weird and unnecessary dance...

No lawyer, but a lovely domestic violence victim advocate standing by my side for moral support...
 

Lies and manipulations...

Commissioner we've had before - which may or may not have been fortuitous; usually it's a crap shoot and the person sitting there up on the bench has no idea what's been going on, what is the history and often misunderstands/misinterprets the issues AND is time-challenged and doesn't like/want to wait for it to be explained to them...

Anyway... after the dance was over, and the Commissioner had made sure we all knew he was in charge, I:

 

Got the Protection Order renewed for another year...

Had the Contempt of Court decision deferred for 60 days - boy's father has to undergo three reconnection therapy sessions with boy before boy has to go visit with him, which I had been pushing for; and

It seems the Child Support monthly amount may be reduced a little but not sure - commissioner didn't agree with the figures presented by son's father and the worksheets have to be redone - and I have some leverage to take action to offset or reverse that... AND it's time to manifest a healthy level of income...

All-in-all, a win... another one - the 6th or 7th I've had, representing myself...

Next step is a mid-March trial to decide about going back to Australia...

The cold/flu I have been keeping at bay found a way in late in the afternoon, probably because of the lack of sleep over the previous 24 hours and the post stress let down, so am feeling like crap...

It's been snowing today, and we're on day two of a three-day weekend... lovely...