Ch-Ch-Changes...

 

Everything we touch, we change...

 

We take in energy constantly, and although this is how we feed, this energy is never destroyed.  Through us, it is transformed.  It changes states.  It resonates to a higher level...

Yet every birth is accompanied by struggle and pain... 

 

Every rebirth is just as painful. It may seem that we bring destruction, chaos, and turmoil to all those around us.   And in a sense we do.  But the changes are always for the better, even though the initial change may seem terrible...

Change is terrible. It tears away what we've grown comfortable with.  It destroys what we find familiar, stable, and simple, leaving uncertainty in its wake...
 

But to face uncertainty and to thrive is to become stronger.  Everything must change or die.   We are active participants in this universal mystery...

Every person that we come into contact with, no matter how casually, is altered... 

 

Wherever we go, change will follow... 

 

Our dynamic spirits stretch out all around us, and the wake we leave in our passing is like ripples on the ocean.   Only the ripples we cause can become tidal waves..

As beings on a threshhold state, we are living embodiments of the dynamic complementarity that keeps the universe in constant motion.   This is our burden...

 

Yet this also is our purpose.  In the grey area between two polar opposites lies revelation... 

 

We feed upon all around us.   Yet we can also harness that energy to heal... 

 

We tear away and bring destruction, yet we also nurture new growth.  This is our nature, the mystery of who we are...

There is no rebirth without destruction...

 

Light only blinds without shadow to throw it into relief..

 

Understanding comes from balancing all these things within the Self...

 

We are that Balance.  We affect it, and it affects us...

 

We are facilitators of the universal flow...

 

We must accept this, and never fear to move with that flow...

~author unknown

 

 

LYRICS:

 

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can't trace time

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don't tell t hem to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Where's your shame
You've left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can't trace time

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace I'm going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Oh, look out you rock 'n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Pretty soon you're gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can't trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can't trace time

 

  

Friday 13th...

... is never a Black Friday for me...

and last Friday was no exception...
 

In fact, it was a pretty good day... apart from boy's separation anxiety and distress that I was leaving him at home because he couldn't come with me...

I was mentally prepared and operating in the flow of the now, called in the energies on my way into town and could feel the love and support of the wonderful, caring people in my life...

Every step of getting into town - the 6.40am ferry, getting printing and collating done, having some coffee and a muffin and turning up in plenty of time - just fell into place... 

Even the weather was nice enough to not be too cold and to gift me with some sunshine...

Long, long court process...

Weird and unnecessary dance...

No lawyer, but a lovely domestic violence victim advocate standing by my side for moral support...
 

Lies and manipulations...

Commissioner we've had before - which may or may not have been fortuitous; usually it's a crap shoot and the person sitting there up on the bench has no idea what's been going on, what is the history and often misunderstands/misinterprets the issues AND is time-challenged and doesn't like/want to wait for it to be explained to them...

Anyway... after the dance was over, and the Commissioner had made sure we all knew he was in charge, I:

 

Got the Protection Order renewed for another year...

Had the Contempt of Court decision deferred for 60 days - boy's father has to undergo three reconnection therapy sessions with boy before boy has to go visit with him, which I had been pushing for; and

It seems the Child Support monthly amount may be reduced a little but not sure - commissioner didn't agree with the figures presented by son's father and the worksheets have to be redone - and I have some leverage to take action to offset or reverse that... AND it's time to manifest a healthy level of income...

All-in-all, a win... another one - the 6th or 7th I've had, representing myself...

Next step is a mid-March trial to decide about going back to Australia...

The cold/flu I have been keeping at bay found a way in late in the afternoon, probably because of the lack of sleep over the previous 24 hours and the post stress let down, so am feeling like crap...

It's been snowing today, and we're on day two of a three-day weekend... lovely...

Full Moon Jitters...

Lots going on... internally and externally... but...

Not sure that's why I've got the jitters...

Usually am on a natural high at the full moon - if I was a wolf, I'd be out there howling!

Am usually just "singing' all through my being, in exhilarated resonance with the energy...

But last full moon and this one...

Nothing really 'wrong'; things not ideal but not terrible either - it will all play out as it should...

Anxious... jumpy... grumpy... irritated... tense... impatient... wanting space - my space - which I don't have...

Filled with anticipation/expectation/excitement/dread... joyous and terrifying at the same time...

Angry and frustrated at the world and where it's at  - watching it devolve even further... 

Wondering: if this is how crazy it is now, what will the final death throes of this system be like?

Pissy at the patriarchy - guess living in a house where testosterone predominates doesn't help, especially watching confused, sad, angry teenagers butting heads with their elders...

Wishing they would stop wasting their time and energy in pointless 'games'... 

Wishing the whole world would just STOP IT...

 

And this too, shall pass... in it's own good time and in it's own way...

Out With The Old?

There's a flaw in my perception that I have known about for years and not been able to eradicate...

Somehow, somewhere I have come to believe that everything will change/get better once realisation occurs...

Or after an energetically special time (like Solstice/Yule/Christmas/New Year)...

And I ALWAYS have to deal with the disappointment that things have not magically transformed...

Or at least not in any discernible way in that time frame...

And then its back to dealing with the reality of the chaos we are creating/living through on the way to a new pattern in the kaleidoscope of life...

 

Russ offered: " It's been my experience that even broken bones once set properly and healing correctly still hurt and the change is imperceptible for a time! Just remember that even seeds of change need time to grow!" 

 

And Doug sent me these words and this clip:
"Halfway into the third part of this very informative presentation, this segment examines exactly what you're talking about. And after years of feeling this way, this clip finally helped be break this mental pattern. Highly recommended watch."

 

 

Divesting Myself Of My Investments...

OK... living in this huge, lavish house for a week has finally cemented the realisation that our "stuff" really is a millstone around our necks in our current circumstances... 

It's costing us our mobility and flexibility, it's costing us money, sitting in storage, and it's costing our friends' energy, taking up space in their homes...

All "stuff" is energy, and while we're holding onto all this stuff, that's energy not available to us to live fully...

And it's creating an energetic block via the conflict between my mixed emotional needs - the need to live very simply and the need to have an outward manifestation of who I am, a reassurance that I exist, and an (illusory) sense of security...

So - I'm selling all the furniture now, except the boy's bed (he isn't ready for that, even though he hasn't slept in it for more than a year now!)... 

If you're in or near Seattle and you want to exchange cash for beautiful things for your space - furniture, rugs, lamps - then let me know; I've posted photos below, of what we have as it was set up in our last home...

I have to do this if we are going to go back to Australia anyway... might as well start now...

And some of you might have thought this was an obvious solution to my lack of cashflow, BUT, it's not so easy to give up what had meant "home" in one sense... besides, I'm a crab, astrologically - I hold on and I go at things sideways!...

I remember my parents coming with me and my sister from Holland to New Zealand, with all of their lives contained in four wooden tea-chests... and how they worked hard and played by the rules to make a home for us all - and what a toll that took on an already dysfunctional relationship (as it's doing in this family we are staying with)... and how each of them died "owning" a modest amount of "stuff", still paying mortgages, sick and lonely and unhappy...

And I remember 20 years' as a military wife, moving every 9-24 months, just when I had gotten our houses - both rental and owned - looking/feeling like a home...

And I remember coming to the US with the boy, with 46 years' of my life, and 8 months' of his, all contained in 24 boxes...

And I remember creating the home you see here in these photos for me and the boy - the only home we have had in the past 10 years...

And some might think that this is the last of the slide into the gutter, and marks us out as failures in life...

But why shouldn't this be happening to us?   What makes us so special?

People all over this planet have been having to make this choice over the past several millenia.. 

More and more people are facing this reality daily in the "west", and even in these circumstances, we have much more than billions of others on the planet...

And I look at how people in this house are doing life - despite the fact that both adults are working and making good money, they're only holding onto all their beautiful stuff by the skin of their teeth, and I know that we're all going to have to go there, in one form or another, because this way of living on this planet cannot go on... 

And a Facebook friend commented that nomadic life may be the way of the future as we try to avoid flood and storms and drought.   If we work on it now, we may be able to do it well.

As I tell the boy, just as always in my life, we're living ahead of the curve, riding the front edge of the wave...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prosperity, Happiness & Revolution?

It's a holiday here today (Presidents' Day), plus the start of a week-long, mid-winter break for school children...

(And maybe the start of a revolution?)

Am tired... almost finished moving out of the old house... stuck between messiness in two places now...

Leaving shortly to resume and, hopefully, complete the transition...

Will carry with me this chant, to up the energy...

I usually use a dance mix version to call in the energies before I speak at church/group services...

Enjoy Yeha Noha - wishes for prosperity and happiness...

Rainy Days & Mondays...

Always get me down.... 

Am seriously pissed off...  

Thought it might be only a Monday thing and that there isn't an intimate  Valentine in my life and my other kids are far away... 

But no, woke up this morning and am still "out of sorts"...

Don't want to do my usual and look for the silver lining in the clouds, of which there are plenty, real and metaphorical - clouds I mean, not necessarily silver linings...

It's still raining... which is depressing, considering my Vitamin D levels are chronically low; I do best in a warm sunny climate, or a cold sunny climate and Seattle's a predominantly grey, wet, chilly climate - and so, that sucks...

I'm still in the process of moving; how does a 52 year old woman and a 7 year old child accumulate so much stuff in such a short space of time?   

That was a rhetorical question - I know how and why; subconsciously in creating our first home in Seattle in 2008, I was trying to gather up/recreate all the strands of my earlier life, my former identity, after I chose to abandon it all... but in my earlier life, in my earlier identity, I was the reasonably well-off, middle-class matriarch of a family of five, living the reasonably well-off, middle-class life in New Zealand... 

Times have changed, circumstances have changed, I have changed... but there's still a dissonance between that reality and where I'm at in my head/heart/spirit space...

And now it's taking endless hours, the energy of 6 people, three vehicles and several tanks of gas to pack and move all that 'stuff' from the old house, into storage while the next step on this journey reveals itself...

Two moves in four months, with another move coming sometime in the next 2-5 months... F * * K!   What for all the stuff and what for all the moves?

And with the moving, still all the questions about schooling, moving to Australia, money, work... nothing solid to count on, no-one to pass the responsibility and accountability buck to, all falling on me, myself and I...

A huge test of trust and faith - in myself and in the Divine, that it's all unfolding as it should...

And then there's the stuff that's coming up with the EMDR work I've started - never any fun dredging up old trauma, but when it gets in the way of building a new life, then there's more to lose in not doing it, than in beginning to dig...

And then there's normal mundane small crappy annoyances, like this old, slow computer and unreliable internet connection, taking me three times as long to do what I want/need, taking me away from my child and other things I want to do...

I'm tired...

I'm fed up with worrying about how many trips to school I can make on an 1/8 of a tank of gas; about how to make sure the money that does come in doesn't get swallowed up paying insufficient funds fees; about calculating how many days I have to 'swing it' between bills due and money coming in to pay part of them; about not freaking when more and more things need time, attention, energy and money to fix or keep working or to replace; about how much longer people will give us what we need, trusting me to pay what I owe over time...

And it's really, really weird to hear myself laughing about this if I tell people what's really going on...

On the one hand, this is no laughing matter; on the other, there is nothing left for me to do but laugh... crying won't change it, ranting and raving won't fix it, self-pity is useless - I created this situation, so there's no one else to blame and sitting down and giving up is not an option with a youngster to protect and nurture...

So I laugh...

Crazy...

And fed up with all the doom and gloom...

 

People must be sick of my postings and re-postings about the crap going on in the world... 

I know I am...

But it feels like I see nothing much changing, so people still aren't listening, seeing...  if they do hear and see, how come they don't then do?

None of this information is hard to find - it's right there in front of us...

How come people haven't noticed, don't know this stuff, haven't figured it out for themselves?

There's all this jubilation about the so-called "revolution" in Egypt... what revolution?   Mubarak is gone, but the military is in power and is pushing back, bullying journalists and the people... what has changed?

I keep trying to stop passing on the information that comes my way, but then I get sucked back in by some warped sense of responsibility... this has to be done, someone has to 'witness'... damn!

Feel a bit like Noah, who tried to warn people, was ignored, and then just had to concentrate on doing his best for his family, those who would listen and the animals.... you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink... personal responsibility comes into this... there are none so blind as those who will not see...

 

Wish this human world would just hurry up and finish self-destructing so that those of us who are left can rebuild something better...

And if there's nothing left, so what?   Gaia existed for eons without us and will do so quite well again...

And for those who think the human spirit is something special that would be an enormous loss if we went extinct,  I don't agree.

Energy cannot be created or destroyed.   That energy which now is manifested as human, will re-emerge in creation somewhere else, in some other form... nothing is ever lost - it's only transformed, transmuted...

For myself, I'm about ready to stop talking about the problems, and to concentrate on BUILDING something new for myself and my son and our community... 

Not sure what I'm going to be doing, where or with whom, but I do know it's time to change focus... 

I'm noticing other people/groups out there concentrating on creating other possible futures; I need to find out more and see if that's a path for me...

Magical Thinking...

Two days in a row of going off-track ... 

And that's cool - my child's emotional needs superseded a bureaucratic task yesterday and today a call to help take another stand against public education "deform" pushed that bureaucratic agenda back into next Monday...

But - lots of energy going out and not a lot of 3D, measurable results coming back in, at least not immediately...

Time to call on the mythic creatures to bring some magic and positive energy into the arena of my life...

Do you believe in any of these creatures?   Many, many cultures have stories of mythical beings and they often share very similar characteristics and qualities even though the cultures are separated by vast quantities of time and space...

One of the realisations I was given on my shamanic journey, is that everything already exists... if you can imagine it, it exists...

And the analogy I was given for that was to think about a furniture maker who wants to design a completely new chair.   

He/she has the image of a completely new chair design in his/her imagination/mind...   

Does that chair exist if he/she hasn't drawn it yet, hasn't begun to make it out of raw materials, hasn't brought it into 3D?   In my teachings, it does...

So if all cultures around the world have mythical beings and similar versions of these mythical beings appear across cultures, could they have been real at some point in our history?   Could they be real now?

Phoenix

Peacock - guardian of the Tree of Life

The Unicorn

Pegasus

Dragons

Griffin

Mermaid

Fairies

The Green Man

Gaia

Greek Sphinx (female)

The Goddess Nut

The Goddess Innana

Feathered Serpent

Angels