Restless In Seattle...

Ants in your pants,

Ants in your pants

Wibble wobble, 

Wibble wobble,

Ants in your pants...

- playground and jump rope rhyme!

Still feeling antsy; have done what I can for the present with this move and now have to wait for people to get back to me...

A friend in Brisbane wrote yesterday offering some marketing, PR and writing work; there's going to be a lot of rebuilding in the flooded city (the government says it will take two years to rebuild the infrastructure).

Loss and pain for some people, means opportunity and gain for others... 

But maybe Brisbane can rebuild itself and its human connections in a more sustainable manner this time, honouring the earth as it has never before?

When people ask what's going on in my life and I tell them and give the background, they're all, without fail, flabbergasted at my housemates' attitudes and actions, which is quite gratifying really, because it means I'm the sane one and not a...

This Is How Wars Start...

I'm sitting here at my computer at 4.45am on Saturday morning (had to get up to give a cat food and water and then let it out), dressed and cold  because the temperature in the house is 55 (12.7C), wanting to work, but needing first to figure out how to open the lock box my housemates put on the thermostat while we were out yesterday, because they think that it's unreasonable to want the temperature to be at 68-70 (20C) to be comfortable... F**K!

I can't find the key (they've hidden it) and it's too early to make a noise by breaking the lock box (and Connor would be scared shitless by the "violence" of that, considering what he saw/heard/experienced when we were living with his father)...

What to do?

We share this house with another family - a 60-year old mother and her 31-year old son and 20-year old daughter.

I'm not being unreasonable about wanting to be warm... 68F is not unreasonable; I have physical issues that require that I stay warm but not by dressing like an Inuit going out into a blizzard!

I'm not the crazy person here; my housemate's justification for wanting it this cold is that she spent several years living in Fairbanks, Alaska, while her son boasts about spending two winters living in an unlined, unheated garage - that's the part that's not normal!

I spent two years living in Singapore in the mid-70s, and then eight years living in Brisbane before we came to the US; Singapore and Brisbane are tropical and sub-tropical cities...

Should I insist that the whole house be kept at 75F (24C) because that's what I'm used to and most comfortable at?

This is not just a thing about personal comfort and preferences and not wanting to pay for high heating costs - this is about power and control; just what I left Connor's father for...

We had an agreement - 68F in the day and 55F at night... and they were angry I woke up and was working at 5.30am yesterday (Friday) and had raised the temp from 55F... 

The son (who lives downstairs), says he had warned me that if I turned the temperature up to 70 he was going to put a lock box on the thermostat, and they have a log they've been keeping to prove I did on 4 or 5 occasions over the past month turn the heat up to 70 (the temperature gauge is in two degree increments, so there is no real separation between 68 and 70)... 

This is the second time in two months my housemates have done an end-run around me to get things to be the way they want them to be - leaving me with no options to act without making things worse....

Last time, they were angry I was taking too long to unpack and settle in, and that our bedrooms are a mess.

One day, again when we were out for the day, they put the remainder of my boxes (which were neatly stacked in a corner of the lounge) downstairs, in the garage and hung all their artwork on the walls, leaving no space for mine, and nothing for me to do to even things out - anything I did would have seemed petty...

Their contribution to the dialogue was sarcasm: "oh, we're sorry we got so enthused about cleaning up that we just kept going and took care of your mess - it's been here long enough"...   How do you respond constructively to that?

What to do, seeing we can't right now just pack up and leave - that will take time...

Holding Pattern...

Well - snow this morning when we woke up, so we had a quiet day at home, with the fire going to add to the sense of being snug and calm...

and at the same time, there's lots going on in the big wide world to blog about...

And lots going on in my own little universe also... 

Insights coming fast and furious about what was really going on in that row my housemates and I had a couple of weeks ago (more on that another day)...

Insights about balance in my own life and in the world at large (more on that too, another day)...

And lots of time spent on making a list of what has to be done to make leaving the US and going back to Australia real...

Have started on some of the paperwork - have completed the Notice of Intention to Relocate which I have to file with the court, an amended Parenting Plan and the paperwork required to get my legal separation converted to a divorce... Still have to find out how much that costs to file (and then come up with the moolah!)...

Still working on an amendment to the Child Support Order...

Really need a lawyer to look over all this before I submit it - will see if I can get that done tomorrow...

And then have to hang fire on practical matters a bit until I know if we can actually leave this country...

Which makes me feel a bit like I'm stuck in a holding pattern, flapping my wings like crazy and using lots of energy, but still hovering in one spot...

But really, there's lots to do in the meantime...

Talk to the Australian authorities re residency and the Protection Order...

Do the paperwork to get our passports renewed (and find the greenbacks for that!)...

Start to pack - we have to move out of here anyway, so might as well begin on the artwork, books, knick-knacks, etc...

I do now have another option to add to Plan B... if we can't go, and we don't get transitional housing, a friend has said we can "house-sit" her father's house until June - so that's a relief... 

Just not sure whether to move out now or wait until I find out what we're doing - staying here or going back to Australia... 

Would be a bummer to have to move twice, but the tension in this house is really palpable, and it would be nice to escape from that...

Thinking, thinking, thinking...

Plan A...

From this:

To this:

By or before the end of April 2011...

To Do:

File Intent to Relocate Notice with the Court this week - 10 January (process takes 60 days)

Find out what my residency status is in Australia now - was permanent resident, Connor is a citizen (phone Australia) - MIGHT BE EASY, MIGHT HAVE TO JUMP THROUGH HOOPS AND PAY $700 - 260 FOR VISA AND 400+ FOR MEDICAL

Get a definitive answer to the question of whether the Protection Order will be upheld in Australia (phone Australia)

Find out how much and what is the process to take Connor's cats...PROCESS IS LONG (6 MONTHS), AND EXPENSIVE ($6k+)...DON'T KNOW HOW CONNOR IS GOING TO TAKE NOT BEING ABLE TO SHIP HIS CATS WHO WERE HIS 3RD BIRTHDAY PRESENT...

Find out costs to ship personal effects

Manifest money to fund move - work, sell stuff/car, fundraise(?) 

Renew Passports = $800

Finalise divorce = $300

Adjust Parenting Plan if necessary

Take steps necessary to add cost of living adjustment to child support amount

Optometrist, orthodontist and dentist - finish treatment = $2,000

Clear personal, legal and medical debt = $$$$

Get ovaries removed if BRACA1 & BRACA2 genetic testing results deem necessary

Set departure date, buy airline tickets *airfares range from $750-$1050/person, one way... expect to pay $2,000

Sell stuff

Pack

Sell van - worth between $6-9,000

Host/enjoy farewell and thank you party!

LEAVE... 

Travel for 21 hours...

ARRIVE...

We have a house to live in for the first three months in Brisbane...

SCHOOLS FOR CONNOR IN BRISBANE -

Samford Valley Steiner School

http://samfordsteiner.qld.edu.au/

Pine Community School

http://www.pinecommunityschool.org/

In Brisbane - need work/income, car, computer...

Back up plan if relocation petition is denied = find another house here in Seattle/transitional housing programme?

WHAT WILL BE, WILL BE... 

LET THY WILL, NOT MY WILL, BE DONE

Dreams For 2011...

Late/early to bed on New Year's morning, with a couple of glasses of good red wine going through the system while enjoying pleasant times with friends...

Led to colourful dreams...

Dreams of losing my daughters - or younger versions of them - in the middle of the international district of a city that was an amalgam of Brisbane, Seattle and Singapore...

Being confused and feeling paralysed because I would have to leave my youngest son to go and find them, something I could not do... people wearing orange (second chakra, creativity, unconditional love) helping look for them...

Dreams of having my youngest son's father suddenly discovering contrition, a conscience and a generous heart of gold, there with his cheque book open as I try to give our child the best start in life possible...

Dreams of my first husband arriving at the door, wanting to put right two wrongs he committed a long time ago, one against his second daughter, and the other against me which has contributed to my less than easy financial status now...

Dreams of being in a canoe with my youngest, rowing/gliding past other boats filled with tense people paddling quite urgently in the other direction...

What do the dreams tell me about what I want and need, deep down?

I want to be near all my children as they settle and perhaps have families of their own... I miss them a lot and I don't want to be separated from them for much longer.   

Taking this journey with my youngest son and his father has taken me away from them... More than that, my own journey to self-actualisation has taken me away from them - something I had to do but which has hurt and confused them in many ways...

I have a need for some kind of natural justice to prevail - for wrongs to be put right and for reconciliation to take place... and I haven't given up hope for that, despite plenty of evidence that it's not likely to happen...

I need to honour and use my own creativity to get myself out of what I sometimes feel is a deep hole that I've dug for myself; there are people there to help if I will just accept that help and my learning in this is about giving and receiving unconditional love to/from myself and others...

And finally, to keep going down my own path, even when everyone is apparently rowing the other way.   It doesn't matter what other people are doing, or what they think about my choices - my soul and my intuition know where we have to go and what's right for us... We need to  continue to lead our own life, going in our own direction on our own time-line...

So what am I really dreaming of, wishing for, in 2011?

• Peace and health of body, mind, heart and spirit
• Love, laughter and joy 
• Sanity in the world
• Strength to stay true to myself
• Personal integrity in those areas where I'm currently not walking my talk
• The resources, personal and material, to parent my son well
• To give what I can of my gifts, time, energy and love to the outside world
• To live in sanctuary near my other children

And as I have written, so it is... 

Blessings Be...

   

2011 - What Will The Year Bring The World?

New Year 2011 around the world... what will the year bring us, and what will we bring the year?

For Ellen, Sarah & Callum - Christmas 2010

To Ellen, Sarah and Callum...

Seattle Christmas

 

Brisbane Christmas

We Miss You and We Love You

from Mum and Connor