Knock, Knock, Anyone There?

... still here... just no head space to write/finish any posts at the moment...

My focus is on the trial this week, where a judge will decide whether or not I can take the boy back to Australia to live and/or whether or not to give his father custody, regardless of whether I stay or go...

I don't have my act together in the way I would have done a dozen or so years ago AND it's pretty much a schamozzle with not being clear on what I need to do, submit, say and with missing filing deadlines AND I am doing the best I can with what I have, where I'm at...

Hard to read opposing attorney's court material painting me as a horrible person and parent... especially as the day before in a meeting and on the phone, he was playing nice in an effort to get me to drop all of this and to allow ex full, unfettered access to us both, in return for ex being "co-operative" and "generous"...

On the plus side... have the support of wonderful friends... heartwarming! AND have worked the last two weekends - one breath session and two readings via the net... wonderful to be back at doing what is my calling AND to be rewarded with some dollars for that... maybe the drought has ended...

Stormy early morning here on Vashon... fitting, I think...

No idea what the day will bring - have to wait to hear from the courts what needs to happen next, given I didn't get the trial brief in on Friday (not for want of trying!)...

In fact, it was very trying(!) to work so hard on getting the documents together and then to be stymied by printing, photocopying and collating issues taking huge amounts of time to overcome...

And have promised the very patient boy a playdate with friends...

I'll Be Back...

Recorded at Tyler Ward Studios
Song written by: Eppic, Jess Moskaluke, Tiffany Vartanyan
Music Produced by Tyler Ward
Mixed By Tyler Ward
Video shot and edited by Sean Hagwell

LYRICS:

(Chorus)
If there was a way to create perfect
Make your life feel so damn worth it
I'd erase the black and blue
There's no way to stop the hurting
But I can rip open those curtains
So you can see what's left in you

(Verse 1)
How am i to get through to you i'm finding myself devising/ ways to diminish the ominous ora above your horizon/
intoxicated with hatred, toxicated by a love thats cosmic/
such a faint complex melody and you provide the harmonic/ Highly unlikely for me to hit the ground lightly/ could someone tell me how far ive fallen pricesly/ cause until today i've been improvising/ detach yourself from these anchors/ that keep pulling you under, wont you allow me to be your savior/ consider this to be your attempt to walk on water so you don't on the surface/ wont remain unchanged, will remain forever imperfect/ you mean everything to me
whether I'm drained, weak, fatigued/ I shall be your radiance your remedy.

(Verse 2)

if there were some way, avoiding superhero clichés/
have yet to exceed my extent/ getting you to see what's left in you is truly my intent/ memorize my lines to the script/
is it that what you seek, isn't quiet discrete, but i need you to look beyond the imperfections/ look beyond how your perceived, even with a crush self-esteem/ there's no getting through to you, you were through me, and you expect me to/ leave you to take on these lions, stranded on some island
No rescue/ this is just the storm before the calm, a middle finger to the devil/ took until now for me to realize/
while god is putting you through your storms, god is putting me through mine/ but if this is how you want to live your life i won't get involved/ but i'm sure as hell ain't about to let you wash your regrets in alcohol/ what pages have yet to be decoded/ deciphered by the writer such a metaphorical poet/ you mean everything to me whether I'm drained, weak, fatigue/ I shall be your radiance your remedy.

(Chorus)

If there was a way to create perfect
Make your life feel so damn worth it
I'd Erase the black and blue
There's no way to stop the hurting
But I can rip open those curtains
So you can see what's left in you
It's just the storm before the calm
the storm before the calm
the storm before the calm
Its just the storm before the

(Bridge)
I wish you could see the light
wish you could see the light
wish you could see the light
on the other side of you
the light I see through you

Press The Button...

... and PAUSE for a moment...

Step beyond the door of all your worries, your projects, your responsibilities and BREATHE in the sweet simplicity of just being...

 

Receive the beautiful gift of your life... 

Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu

Buddhist, sufi, or zen. Not any religion

or cultural system. I am not from the East

or the West, not out of the ocean or up

from the ground, not natural or ethereal, not

composed of elements at all. I do not exist,

am not an entity in this world or in the next,

did not descend from Adam and Eve or any

origin story. My place is placeless, a trace

of the traceless. Neither body or soul.

I belong to the beloved, have seen the two

worlds as one and that one call to and know,

first, last, outer, inner, only that

breath breathing human being.

 

~ Rumi

Let Go...

Having trouble holding the space as change swirls inside and all around...

Been asking/hoping for this - for myself and for the world... 

Know - both in the feeling and the intellectual sense - that it's all alright/OK/divinely perfect...

And yet am having trouble letting go of the edge/riverbank and entering the swift-running stream of full consciousness, full living in these amazing times...

While my Aquarian moon is completely ready for this, my Cancerian sun likes to approach things sideways, rather than directly...

MORE FROM THE HOPI ELDERS:


"Do not look outside yourself for the leader.


This could be a good time!


There is a river flowing now very fast
It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid
They will try to hold onto the shore
They will feel they are being torn apart
And they will suffer greatly.
Know that the river has its destination.
The elders say we must let go of the shore,
Push off into the river,
Keep our eyes open,
And our heads above water.
Look around, see who is in there with you and celebrate.


At this time in history we are to take nothing personally,
Least of all ourselves
For the moment that we do our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.
The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves!
Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary.
All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner
And in celebration."


Let go... the water's fine...