Skin...

by 2042, Caucasians will be in the minority in the US

and in the world by 2060...

I think that's exciting...

Just as the patriarchy is having to give way to those it dominated,

so the imperialists will have to give way to those they colonised...

The turning of the wheel...

Karma...

I wonder what life will look like...

I wonder what the oligarchs think of this coming change...

They can't stop it happening...

Can they control/fashion it into something they can live with?

Is that what they are attempting to do now,

by attaining and controlling

the majority of wealth, assets and resources globally,

in passing laws that restrict civil and human rights,

and in reforming our health and education systems in ways

that are taking us back to economic,

social and political re-segregation?

What do you think?

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda...

 

 

Working to shake off a severe case of the "coulda, woulda, shoulda saids" over representing myself in this custody/relocation trial (argument finished yesterday - judge to issue written ruling eventually)...

 

I coulda said this... 

 

I shoulda rebutted that...

 

If there had been more time, I woulda highlighted that...

Breathe and let it go... let it go... let it go...

 

Did the best I could with what I had in the circumstances... 

 

What will be, will be... 

 

AND...

 

What if the judge gives custody of the boy to his father???

 

 

 

Did You Know...

... that the capacity to 'endure' is VASTLY over-rated?

Enduring this drama...

Someone said to me that other day, that my job right now is to simply 'endure'... and that she marvelled at my capacity to endure... that she didn't know how I was holding it all together...

AND everything that needs to be done is turning into an epic challenge, with seemingly endless roadblocks and obstacles and U-turns...

Holding the reality that a wish to go back to Australia with the boy, has a real chance of turning into me losing custody of him, as his father attempts to paint me an unfit mother...

And what judge - the henchman of the oligarchs - would think me otherwise, looking at our financial and living situation, at my views and choices on "educating" the boy, at my philosophical and political views, at my activism?

What to do to head that off without legal help, without completely turning myself inside out for the system...

What will I do to keep custody of the boy?

What principles will I cave on?

Will it be enough to simply withdraw my Intention to Relocate Notification?

Is that still possible - or have I let things go to far?

And I have to face this - tomorrow... 

Am not 'prepared' in the legal sense because I have no energy or desire to play this game - I just want to go in there, speak my truth and have that accepted...

I'm full, feeling desperate, overwhelmed, on the back foot, confused, bewildered, alone, panic-stricken... 

And yet, I am not the clouds...

I am the always-present sky through which the ever-changing clouds of my emotions form, reform and evaporate as they pass across the sky...

This too, shall pass...

I surrender...

What will be, will be...

(and no, that doesn't mean I give up - it means I give up my desire to control the process and the outcome, I let it unfold...)

 

CRASS: There Is No Authority But Yourself...

... punk is not my thing, nor is heavy metal, nor is rap....

AND... when I listen to the lyrics and the thoughts/ideas underpinning them, then punk, heavy metal and rap definitely speak the same truths I have come to understand via other paths...

LYRICS:

You talk about your revolution, well, that's fine
But what are you going to be doing come the time?
Are you going to be the big man with the tommy-gun?
Will you talk of freedom when the blood begins to run?
Well, freedom has no value if violence is the price
Don't want your revolution, I want anarchy and peace

You talk of overthrowing power with violence as your tool
You speak of liberation and when the people rule
Well ain't it people rule right now, what difference would there be?
Just another set of bigots with their rifle-sights on me

But what about those people who don't want your new restrictions?
Those that disagree with you and have their own convictions?
You say they've got it wrong because they don't agree with you
So when the revolution comes you'll have to run them through
You say that revolution will bring freedom for us all
Well freedom just ain't freedom when your back's against the wall

You talk of overthrowing power with violence as your tool
You speak of liberation and when the people rule
Well ain't it people rule right now, what difference would there be?
Just another set of bigots with their rifle-sights on me

Will you indoctrinate the masses to serve your new regime?
And simply do away with those whose views are too extreme?
Transportation details could be left to British rail
Where Zyklon B succeeded, North Sea Gas will fail
It's just the same old story of man destroying man
We've got to look for other answers to the problems of this land

You talk of overthrowing power with violence as your tool
You speak of liberation and when the people rule
Well ain't it people rule right now, what difference would there be?
Just another set of bigots with their rifle-sights on me

Vive la revolution, people of the world unite
Stand up men of courage, it's your job to fight

It all seems very easy, this revolution game
But when you start to really play things won't be quite the same
Your intellectual theories on how it's going to be
Don't seem to take into account the true reality
Cos the truth of what you're saying, as you sit there sipping beer
Is pain and death and suffering, but of course you wouldn't care

You're far too much of a man for that, if Mao did it so can you
What's the freedom of us all against the suffering of the few?
That's the kind of self-deception that killed ten million jews
Just the same false logic that all power-mongers use
So don't think you can fool me with your political tricks
Political right, political left, you can keep your politics
Government is government and all government is force
Left or right, right or left, it takes the same old course
Oppression and restriction, regulation, rule and law
The seizure of that power is all your revolution's for
You romanticise your heroes, quote from Marx and Mao
Well their ideas of freedom are just oppression now

Nothing changed for all the death, that their ideas created
It's just the same fascistic games, but the rules aren't clearly stated
Nothing's really different cos all government's the same
They can call it freedom, but slavery is the game

Nothing changed for all the death, that their ideas created
It's just the same fascistic games, but the rules aren't clearly stated
Nothing's really different cos all government's the same
They can call it freedom, but slavery is the game
There's nothing that you offer but a dream of last years hero
The truth of revolution, brother................... is year zero.

Keep Your Hands Off My Web...

I will not be posting new blog entries

for 24 hours after midnight 17-18 January 2012,

in solidarity with the internet blackout protest

over SOPA -

the internet censorship legislation
the oligarchs are attempting to impose on US citizens...

 

Dysfunction...

Words from the abusive parent:
I'm only doing this for your own good.
You're stupid.
Obey your parent.
Do as I say, not as I do.
Don't talk back.
Love me, or you will live in shame.
If you refuse to love me, I will punish you.

 

Words from the abusive government:
We're only doing this for the good of the people.
The smart people (us of course) will fix it.
Obey your leaders.
Do as we say, not as we do.
Don't talk back.
Love your country, or you will live in shame.
If you refuse to love your country, we will punish you.

 

 

Friday...

Thanks for the good wishes/prayers people...

Outcome of today's court hearing is:

I'm restrained (for now) from taking the boy to Australia to live...

His dad and I go to trial in a couple of months to fight it out...

In the meantime, we will probably have to undergo a parenting evaluation, with the boy being questioned...

And on January 13 I have to go defend myself against contempt of court charges because I won't physically force the boy to go visit with his dad, I have to argue why his dad ought not succeed in his motion to pay less towards the boy's care and I have to convince the judge there's still a need for the Protection Order...

I had hoped this part of the journey was over...

Still things to discover and expand into, obviously...

Interesting times...

It has occurred to me that I am being asked to find a different way of relating to boy's father...

Perhaps that's why I chose not to go on the attack in the hearing...

Though it did feel like I was fighting with one hand tied behind my back, not feeling I was free/it would do any good to articulate some of the understandings I have about our situation/that have driven my choices at each crossroad on this journey...

Not sure a judge, constrained by rules and regulations and legislation that is so uni-dimensional, firstly would understand, and secondly be able to issue Orders that would honour the realities of this situation as I see them...

Boy's father's attorney was making a meal of the "fact" of our "homelessness" and 'instability"...

In all of this, we have never been without a warm roof over our heads, food in our bellies, clothes on our backs, a vehicle to get around in and access to health care etc...

Not sure a judge would be sympathetic to my view that we are on an 'adventure' and that the gift of this "homelessness" is the connection and insights we are gathering from being able to live in community with other people, all doing life differently... 

Weirdly, on some level, I am OK with all of this...

I know it's about stuff happening on multiple levels, inner, interpersonal, and on a community/societal level... 

and it needs to play out to the end...

"Focus on the journey, not the destination. 

Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it."

~Quaker quote

Explanation Unnecessary...

... this is our reality...

I want something else for my children and the planet...

What Do You Want?

The Oppression Of Children...

Via my friend Conny Jensen:
 

"..they cannot survive without you. It is a question of life and death!.. Instead of making them more alert, more aware, more alive, more reflective, instead of making them more mirror-like, pure, you make them full of ideas...layers and layers of dust.  And then it becomes impossible for them to see that which is.  They start seeing that which is not and they stop seeing that which is."


This is bondage. But everybody is living in bondage, because everybody who brought you up wanted to have power over you, to enjoy the mastery over you.

 

And children are the most helpless people in the world, the most exploited class.

 

It is not the proletariat who are the most exploited class, it is not women who are the most exploited class.  It is the children who are the most exploited class -- and so helpless. 

 

The proletariat can revolt -- they have revolted in Russia, in China and in other communist countries. The women all over the world are making efforts to revolt, but it is impossible to imagine how children will revolt.

They are so helplessly dependent on their parents, they cannot think of any revolt. And unless revolution happens in them all other revolutions are going to be superficial.  The basic conditioning, the basic imprisonment is created in childhood when the child is so helpless that he has to accept whatsoever conditions you put upon him just to survive." 

~Osho

 

 

Wow... extra WOW as I consider which of the two temporary housing options I should take up - have to decide THIS MORNING...

 

One keeps the boy more in his already fragile comfort zone, the other opens new doors for us both...

 

I am veering towards the second...

Men - Move Over...

I know this is going to sound very sexist, but even the indigenous elders and the Dalai Lama have said this...

Real change is going to come at the hands of women...

Men - you've pretty much had the run of the planet for several thousand years, and you've pretty much stuffed it up... 

 

 

I don't know what happens to you sometime between adolescence and adulthood that makes you hate us and the planet so much, but you're not the boys we raised...

If this is how you project your primal womb envy and your fear of emasculation, ENOUGH - STOP IT...

Move over and let us women and our children have a go... 

Before you take us all down with you... 

Seriously...

WTF...

Um, excuse me Universe... 

WTF is going on??? 

I can get onto the websites on which I do my usual social activism stuff, but I can't get onto websites that deal with my financial situation and with finding somewhere to live?

Since when has internet connection been so selective?

I've aligned my priorities, closed down all non-essential tabs and now there's another obstacle in the way...

And I'm fed up with saying "it's OK", "this too will pass", "we are still some of the lucky ones"... 

I know all that is true... AND ... there's no need to take us down to the bare bones to prove the point! 

I've got the message and it's time to move on now, thank you very much!

We have to move - now...

Last night (Thanksgiving night) I learned that there's no nice way to ask the "man of the house" (NB  - important phrase to remember) that is providing refuge for me and my son, to please send his rellies home now, so we could go to bed in the family room, which said rellies were occupying, singing Karaoke, banging drums, yelling, laughing and drinking...

The woman of the house and the daughter had already gone to their beds; the people who were up were her husband and all of his relations...

My son and I were hanging out in a little office/study as there was no spare room with a bed for us to go to... 

I tried hard to be patient; it's just that we were tired, and not used to a lot of loud noise... by midnight, I had almost decided we would sleep on the floor if the gathering didn't end soon...

Background: man of the house and I had had a conversation in the morning, re what time this party was going to go to and what level of inebriation was likely to occur;  from my perspective, I had wanted to know what was happening, to shield the boy from drunken behaviour and because we had been allocated couches to sleep on in the areas that people would be partying in...

Did I mention that my father was an alcoholic who got drunk and very abusive on beer, so family parties were usually something to be dreaded?

Anyway, man of the house had said he expected things to wind down around 7pm...

His wife, who dislikes his family and the parties they have, absented herself all day...

So, at midnight I tentatively went down the stairs to ask the man of the house if could give me some idea about how long he thought things might continue...

His (drunk) male cousin, sitting beside him on the couch, got really aggressive, reminding me of my place in the house and that I had less status than family...

I asked him not to get involved because my question had been to the man of the house...

Man of the house not happy with me, but said they'd probably be another 20 minutes...

2am and the last of them finally left...

(Drunk) man of the house came to seek me out and scolded me for things I have done over the past few days that apparently annoyed him (had had no idea those issues existed) and complained that I had shown him that I did not respect him as the "man of the house"...

He reminded me that though his wife pays the bills, he was still the "man of the house", which, by the way, I had never questioned...

It turns out (and I knew some of this) he and his wife (the woman who is my not-very-close friend/social activism colleague) are having relationship difficulties around lots of issues, INCLUDING their respective education/earning capacities (she's much better educated and earns much more than he does)...

And there is a power/control battle going on over this huge, lovely house that they rebuilt six years ago, which her money has paid for, has been done to her exacting specifications, style and taste and which is now a financial millstone around their joint necks...

It turns out she did not ask the man of the house if we could come and stay here, he thought it was only going to be for a night or two, he doesn't want our cats here (he doesn't want the puppy she got for their daughter six weeks ago) and he resents giving up his "man cave" to us - in a house of 4,200sqft, shared by three people, two cats and a puppy.... 

Lots of projection, lots for me to notice about how people are doing relationships, lots of similarities between this family's power/control dynamic and the previous one we stayed with, lots for me to look back on, regarding my own actions in this house and the previous house-shares we've participated in, and lots to look back on with my two relationships, seeing how any of these issues contributed to the dynamic...

AND... WE NEED TO MOVE - NOW!

It's really hard to be with people who are defensive about where they are at in life;  I can't help it that I know what is going on for them, within themselves and in their relationships - I can't turn off the parts of me which just "know" those things immediately I step into a situation.

I do my best not to reveal/share what I know, unless the person invites me to...

And it's not as though I'm living my life any more graciously than they are;  I'm messing a lot of it up in quite spectacular fashion, if you go by our external circumstances!

So - where next, Life?   Am intending that it be in a place where boy, self, two cats and our bits and pieces can be in peace - either alone or with kindred spirits -  while we complete the legal dances that have been set in motion...  AND that we have plentiful resources to enable that to happen, in ease, dignity and grace...

And so it is...

Blessings Be...

 

 

 

You Do Realise...

... that we are living inside a REVOLUTION, don't you?

Just take some time to give that idea a chance to sink in...

What does that mean for you?

Maybe it would help get some perspective if we looked back at all of the other revolutions and rebellions we have instigated or fought against...

and there are many, many, many of them... see this (not exhaustive) list:

Revolutions & Rebellions Through The Ages

Seems we are a restless, confused, capricious, difficult to please species... 

Well not really; it seems like some of us have a need to be in power and control over the rest, and others of us don't like being dis-empowered and controlled...

So, given that we don't seem to have the knowledge or the will to do things differently, eventually, we fight it out... 

What's different this time?

One thing that is certainly different, is that this time the revolution is global...

AND there is more at stake - the survival of our own and all the other species living on the planet, if not the planet herself...

So, in the first place, do you believe me?  You don't have to take my word for it... open your eyes and ears and your mind... look all around you...

And if you then do agree that we are living inside a REVOLUTION, where do you stand?

For or Against?

And what will you do for or against this REVOLUTION?

Everything?

Something?

Nothing?


LYRICS

History never repeats
I tell myself before I go to sleep
Don't say the words you might regret
I've lost before you know I can't forget

There was a girl I used to know
She dealt my love a savage blow
I was so young, too blind to see
But anyway that's History

(I say) History never repeats
I Tell myself before I go to sleep
Don't say the words you might regret
I've lost before you know I can't forget

You say I always played the fool
I can't go on if that's the rule
Better to jump than hesitate
I need a change and I can't wait

History never repeats
I tell myself before I go to sleep
And there's a light shining in the dark
Leading me on towards a change of heart (ah-ar)

History never repeats (x2)

Deep in the night it's all so clear
I lie awake with great ideas
Lurking about in no-man's land
I think at last I understand

History never repeats
I tell myself before I go to sleep
And there's a light shining in the dark
Leading me on towards a change of heart (ah-ar)
Never repeats (x3)
Hey Hey, Hey... 

Take A Chill Pill, Bill & Jill...

I've noticed that people have been reading the "Plan A" and "Plan A Isn't Going To Plan..." posts...

This message crossed my path today (in the Universe's usual very timely fashion) and I just had to share it!

So many people and situations this advice could apply to...

My own personal life...

The oligarchs...

The Occupy/99% movement...

Humanity...

The planet...

All of Creation!


BUT... and we all know there is always a BUT...

well actually, let me amend that... there are no BUTs, no EITHER/ORs... in this paradoxical paradigm we consider to be our reality, there are only AND/ALSOs... and life changes, opens up once we "get" and accept that...