I'm Racist - There, I've Said It....

I am, though I cringe to admit it, a racist... I am... truly...

I grew up in a time - the 60s - and a place - New Zealand - where black faces were hardly ever seen...

I grew up with, was educated by and with, socialised by and with whites - mostly people whose roots were in the United Kingdom, some who came from various parts of Europe...

I saw brown faces and yellow faces and olive-complexioned faces here and there, but black faces not at all... at least not until I was in my teens and my mother rented out one of the bedrooms in our house to students from Africa who were studying at our local university as part of the Colombo Plan...

There's a studio portrait of me as a young child, sitting on the floor, playing with one of those (now highly collectible) metal money boxes, made in the shape of a young black child, with a moveable arm that takes coins up to his mouth and drops them through the slot that is his lips...

At school we learned to read using the stories of Little Black Sambo:

we had that choosing rhyme: Eenie, meanie, minie, moh, catch a NIGGER by the toe, if he squeals, let him go, eenie, meanie, minie, moh...

and we had the BBC's Black & White Minstrel Show on television:

Nothing in this was thought to be disrespectful; in fact, it wasn't thought of at all - there was no concept of political correctness... and as young children, absorbing this through osmosis, without the capacity or experience to think critically about it, without a frame of reference/context to hang any of this on, how could we possibly know that there was anything wrong in this?

Of course, later when I got a chance to look at the world with mature eyes, to learn history, to travel and to think things through, I saw how caricaturish, stereotypical and inappropriate all of this was...

I don't know if anyone MEANT all of this to be actively racist... not in New Zealand anyway... I get the feeling that someone in education for example, working out a reading curriculum, saw the readers on the market, thought "how cute, kids will love these" and plowed on without thinking it through... while New Zealanders then were inventive and creative and bright and savvy in many respects, they were, after all, isolated down at the bottom of the world, away - in experience, distance and time - from much of what was fomenting in the US...

My point is that as a young child, I was exposed to, and took in, various disrespectful, RACIST images and messages about people of colour, mostly African and, by extension, African Americans.  And this stuff gets hardwired into the brain... it just pops up when a cue is triggered...

In 1990, I went back to school, to get a diploma in broadcast journalism.  As part of our coursework, we were required to undertake compulsory cultural sensitivity training.   I wrote about that here: White Privilege & Colour Blindness

To this day, despite that "sensitivity training" and my willing acceptance of the truth with which I was confronted in that class, certain images, sounds or real time 3D interactions will cause a racist thought to come to mind, a thought that was seeded in those early childhood exposures... I don't know how to stop those thoughts arising in a nano-second... I notice them, am ashamed and I send them packing...

In truth, while I've had a lot of interaction with people of all skin colours, from many countries, cultures, religions, sexual orientations, gender identifications, I still feel confused and foolish when I am around people "other" than me.   I feel ignorant and diffident around them... I am ALWAYS afraid that my ignorance will cause offence in some way... that I will do or say something that is unintentionally hurtful, demeaning, perceived as arrogant, patronising, RACIST...

And then I get pissy... I know I'm a good, kind, loving person who honours all beings, who is sincerely interested in deep, meaningful, respectful connection with others, who is not intentionally racist.   Why should I be on the back foot all the time, feel defensive in even the most superficial encounters with others who are not like me?

And then, finally, it all comes full circle, when on a Twitter thread yesterday some person I don't know comments in a discussion on poverty and education (with a sub text that poor black children have it harder than poor white children), that all white people are a plague on the earth...

I guess that might be poetic justice, that a person of colour makes global statements about the white race, just as whites have made global statements about blacks... But is that an improvement, an evolution?  

There was a complete unwillingness to acknowledge that oppression happens to all of us, to varying degrees.  That I might have more privilege than a black woman, but that I have less than a white man... and that black woman has more privilege than a Native American woman... That we humans have ALWAYS found ways to marginalise each other, to get power over each other, since the dawn of time, within our own families, clans, tribes and in relation to the "other", the "outsider"... We are in many respects, no different to wild pack animals, who have complicated rules around dominance.  We pretend we have risen above all that, but we haven't... we're just a lot more subtle - though no less brutal - about how we enforce it...

Nothing can/will change until we human beings deal with each other as unique individuals, without all of the baggage history has left us with... we can't turn the clock back... we can't undo what was done... in many cases, we can't fix it, though some countries, like New Zealand, are attempting to right some wrongs and heal some wounds...

What is to be done to help us move forward in some kind of state of grace?

Who Wins the Prize for Being the Most Victimised?

It's really stressful living in a country where the original sin of genocide and land theft hasn't been addressed, which is then overlaid by the atrocity of slavery, which is then overlaid by convict deportation, which is then overlaid by false promises of equality, freedom, justice and liberty for all... so much dysfunction... and so much jostling for the role of "most damaged victim"...

In my opinion, the ONLY people here who need justice and restitution right now, are the original people living in this land, on this continent... the rest of us arrived as immigrants and we all - of every skin colour - have huge privilege, taken/bought on the backs of that indigenous suffering, displacement and genocide... 

Deal with/heal that original sin/wound and much of the other victimising/victimhood will fade away...

Let me say up front, that I recognise and own my status/privilege as a white formerly middle class woman with the advantage of a good education... having owned that, and at the risk of being vilified, I'm going to admit that I can't be bothered finding my way through the maze of which race in this country, on this continent, on this planet, has been the most victimised...

I totally get that since I left The Netherlands/Holland as a child, I have been an immigrant to four countries and lived well in each, which comfort was paid for by the suffering of the indigenous people who had been colonised in times past; in some of those countries the first colonisers were white... in others, they were brown or yellow skinned...

I know what its like to be an outsider... coming into a country, speaking a different language, not knowing the customs, being of a different class... being teased, bullied, "oppressed" by other whites - yes, racism DOES exist within groups sharing the same skin colour...

and... I totally get the pain of the wounds inflicted by the colonisers... and wherever possible, reparations and restitution should happen...

and... this whole tendency to oppression thing is something it seems all humans on the planet have within themselves, individually and collectively... there's black on black oppression, yellow on yellow, white on white, brown on brown, 'red' on 'red' oppression... I've seen it, everywhere I've gone... In Singapore, for example, until recently it used to be white on yellow, yellow on brown and brown on brown... now that most of the whites are expat business people, not colonial rulers, it's yellow on brown, brown on brown...

and... we've been doing it since the beginning of gathering together in groups... check out the history of human interaction - conquest and colonisation - on every continent...

so, at some point, don't we have to give up on holding on to it all, because, really, aren't we ALL guilty?

I think I have just laid myself open to criticism from less privileged people, that "it's OK for you, you're white and at the top of the pyramid"... and yes, theoretically I am quite high up on that scale... My skin, gender and education get me privileges that other people might not have... AND... at the same time, poverty hurts my child as much as it does a child of any other skin colour... being an outsider, a minority anywhere is hard for any child of any colour or creed... how are we ever going to heal any of this if we don't find some commonality somewhere?

and just to prove the point, this article crossed my path today, highlighting the sad fact that this separation and bigotry is happening currently, amongst Native American people: On Card Carrying Indians and Those Indians Who Don't

 

There Is A Better Way...

I am a 21 year-old student from Finland.
 

It makes me sad to hear how Americans are suffering.

Here, our taxes are high but we all benefit from them.

I grew up in the countryside and always had access to the same services that people in the city did.

My university is known around the world in my field and my education is not only free, but my government pays ME to go to university. Everyone has a right to this.
 

Everyone has a right to the best healthcare, there is no such thing as health insurance.
 

I am young now and able to take risks and pursue my passion because I will never have to worry about starving if I loose my job or my business fails.
 

I know that when I am old my state pension will be there for me so that I can enjoy my retirement.
 

We call this the Nordic Model, and under it we live well and our businesses are among the most competitive in the world.

 

I am grateful to have been born a citizen of a country that cares for its people, and I hope that one day the USA will take example from us.

I am the 99%

 
We are the 99%

 

I Don't Want To Hear It...

I'll care about what the world's religious leaders/churches think/say/do when they all divest themselves of their riches and give those resources to the poor... 

I'll care about what the world's business/government leaders think/say/do when they all divest themselves of their riches and give those resources to the poor...

I'll care what the world's social elite/celebrities think/say/do when they all divest themselves of their riches and give those resources to the poor...

I'll care about "priceless art" and "precious jewels" when we don't have a single poor, starving person left on a planet that's being raped, pillaged and trashed...

 

Just Say No!...

My grown kids worry about my homeless/moneyless situation;

They want to know why I just can't/won't play THE GAME...

Because THE GAME is toxic and kills...

My soul demands that I refuse to collaborate and enable THE GAME, and to do what I can to interrupt, if not end, it;

I bear witness to, and call out, its sociopathic cruelty - NOT IN MY NAME - and I pay a material price for that...

And the price we all pay for playing THE GAME is much higher than the loss of physical comfort and "security"...

In this case, just saying "NO", abstaining, is really the only strategy we have that will work in ending the madness...

 

Post Script:

I've had a lot of response to this post, particularly from older women who are in the same situation, walking the same revolutionary path;

We've turned our backs on security to push for change;

Our souls want/need to help heal the world, for all the other beings on the planet, and for our children and grandchildren... 

“The world will be saved by the Western woman.”

~Dalai Lama

Vancouver Peace Summit, 2009

‎"Plus ça change...

... plus c'est la même chose!"

January, 1795

by Mary Darby Robinson

Pavement slipp'ry, people sneezing,
Lords in ermine, beggars freezing;
Titled gluttons dainties carving,
Genius in a garret starving.

Lofty mansions, warm and spacious;
Courtiers clinging and voracious;
Misers scarce the wretched heeding;
Gallant soldiers fighting, bleeding.

Wives who laugh at passive spouses;
Theatres, and meeting-houses;
Balls, where simp'ring misses languish;
Hospitals, and groans of anguish.

Arts and sciences bewailing;
Commerce drooping, credit failing;
Placemen mocking subjects loyal;
Separations, weddings royal.

Authors who can't earn a dinner;
Many a subtle rogue a winner;
Fugitives for shelter seeking;
Misers hoarding, tradesmen breaking.

 

Taste and talents quite deserted;
All the laws of truth perverted;
Arrogance o'er merit soaring;
Merit silently deploring.

Ladies gambling night and morning ;
Fools the works of genius scorning ;
Ancient dames for girls mistaken,
Youthful damsels quite forsaken.

Some in luxury delighting;
More in talking than in fighting;
Lovers old, and beaux decrepid;
Lordlings empty and insipid.

Poets, painters, and musicians;
Lawyers, doctors, politicians:
Pamphlets, newspapers, and odes,
Seeking fame by diff'rent roads.

Gallant souls with empty purses;
Gen'rals only fit for nurses;
School-boys, smit with martial spirit,
Taking place of vet'ran merit.

Honest men who can't get places,
Knaves who shew unblushing faces;
Ruin hasten'd, peace retarded;
Candour spurn'd, and art rewarded...

What's Yours Is Mine?

"Tracing the right of property back to its source, one infallibly arrives at usurpation. 

However, theft is only punished because it violates the right of property; but this right is itself nothing in origin but theft."

~ Marquis de Sade

Jean-Jacques Rousseau made the same general point when he wrote:

"The first man who, having enclosed a piece of ground, bethought himself of saying 'This is mine,' and found people simple enough to believe him, was the real founder of civil society.

 
From how many crimes, wars, and murders, from how many horrors and misfortunes might not any one have saved mankind, by pulling up the stakes, or filling up the ditch, and crying to his fellows: Beware of listening to this imposter; you are undone if you once forget that the fruits of the earth belong to us all, and the earth itself to nobody."

So how do you feel about the piece of land and the house you are paying a mortgage on?

Do you really "own" that land?

Who says you do?

Where did that ownership come from?

Who had the land before you 'bought' it?

Where did they get ownership from?

How much land do you own - square yards or metres?

How many people share that piece of the earth with you?

In other parts of the world, how many people live on/in the same size space?

Really?

   This land is your land, this land is my land,

made for you and me?

While I love Woody Guthrie and his work,

I don't think so...

We don't own the earth - she owns us...

and as part of the and/also reality:

American Paradox: 18.5 Million Vacant Homes and 3.5 Million Homeless

By Tanuka Loha, Human Rights Now

01 January 12

his is usually one of my favorite times of the year - the holidays are approaching, the aromas of cinnamon, orange and cranberry are in the air and it's time to rest and watch old movies on TV. One of those old movies invariably on at this time of year still resonates today - It's a Wonderful Life. In this 1946 Jimmy Stewart film, a small town in crisis comes together to prevent George Bailey, the benevolent loan man, from being imprisoned at the behest of the millionaire slum landlord Mr. Potter.

In the last few days, the US government census figures have revealed that 1 in 2 Americans have fallen into poverty or are struggling to live on low incomes. And we know that the financial hardships faced by our neighbors, colleagues, and others in our communities will be all the more acutely felt over the holiday season.

Along with poverty and low incomes, the foreclosure rate has created its own crisis situation as the number of families removed from their homes has skyrocketed.

Since 2007, banks have foreclosed around eight million homes. It is estimated that another eight to ten million homes will be foreclosed before the financial crisis is over. This approach to resolving one part of the financial crisis means many, many families are living without adequate and secure housing. In addition, approximately 3.5 million people in the U.S. are homeless, many of them veterans. It is worth noting that, at the same time, there are 18.5 million vacant homes in the country.

The stark realities that persist mean that millions of families will be facing the holidays in temporary homes, or homes under threat, and far too many children will be wishing for an end to the uncertainty and distress their family is facing rather than an Xbox or Barbie doll.

Housing is a basic human need and a fundamental human right. Yet every day in the United States, banks are foreclosing on more than 10,000 mortgages and ordering evictions of individuals and families residing in foreclosed homes. The US government's steps to address the foreclosure crisis to date have been partial at best.

The depth and severity of the foreclosure crisis is a clear illustration of the urgent need for the U.S. government to put in place a system that respects, protects and fulfills human rights, including the right to housing. This includes implementing real protections to ensure that other actors, such as financial institutions, do not undermine or abuse human rights.

Please join the National Economic and Social Rights Initiative and Amnesty International in asking the U.S. to step up its efforts to address the foreclosure crisis, including by giving serious consideration to the growing call for a foreclosure moratorium and other forms of relief for those at risk, and establishing a housing finance system that fulfills human rights obligations.

As we think back on all that Amnesty has achieved over the last year in advancing and protecting human rights, let's do one more thing. This holiday, let's join together like George Bailey's friends to advance the right to housing because, apart from all the other good reasons to do so: "Housing: It's a Wonderful Right."

Housing is a basic human right,

as is quality food,

clean water, 

clothing,

medical care and education...

 

It's Official...

... we're now living in serfdom here in the US, and, with the president refusing to veto the liberty and due process-stealing provisions of the NDAA Bill, in a fascist police state...

According to the latest census results, 1 out of every 2 Americans is living in poverty...

"Squeezed by rising living costs, a record number of Americans — nearly 1 in 2 — have fallen into poverty or are scraping by on earnings that classify them as low income.

The latest census data depict a middle class that's shrinking as unemployment stays high and the government's safety net frays. The new numbers follow years of stagnating wages for the middle class that have hurt millions of workers and families.

Safety net programs such as food stamps and tax credits kept poverty from rising even higher in 2010, but for many low-income families with work-related and medical expenses, they are considered too 'rich' to qualify," said Sheldon Danziger, a University of Michigan public policy professor who specializes in poverty.

"The reality is that prospects for the poor and the near poor are dismal," he said. "If Congress and the states make further cuts, we can expect the number of poor and low-income families to rise for the next several years..."

~ Half of All Americans Now Live in Poverty

Decisions, Decisions...

From my Facebook Status:
"OK - decision time... should I, or should I not, take a risk and spend $45 of the $70 I have left on a trip over the water to collect the mail and get a haircut ($25 haircut and $20.20 ferry ticket)?

Will cash come in to refill my depleted coffers in time to get me across the water, get some gas and pay for parking for Friday's court hearing to decide whether boy and I can go back to Australia to live?"...

Friend's response: 

"Maybe getting a cheaper haircut. In White Center it would be $10"...

My reply:

"I know... but I have to go to Shoreline to pick up the mail, and the haircut is a discount someone gave me for a place in Lake Forest Park - basically three streets away... 

Going to White Centre for the haircut and then up to Shoreline to get the mail would be the extra $15 in petrol and time...

Am thinking this is a trust test; have to stay in the NOW and keep moving, not sit at home being scared my resources are limited and if I use them up, there will be no more"...
  

And no, this is not a "poor me, look how hard life is" pity post...

I'm really awake to the fact that at this point, I'm being given the opportunity to look deeply at every situation I create/find myself in, at all its possibilities and at the choices I make...

Am I coming from a place of love - expansion, or fear - contraction?

POST SCRIPT: 
Seems the Universe thought it was a good idea to get my hair cut yesterday; recalcitrant ex-husband overnight deposited some of what he owes in my bank account, so the cheque I wrote to the salon is covered AND we can get around! 

Funny that he puts in the money - that he's been withholding for two months - the night before we go to court to argue over whether I can take our child back to Australia to live...

Guess it doesn't look good in court, when you're saying how much you love your son and how much of an unfit mother his other parent is, to be behind in your payments, so far behind that your child becomes homeless as a result...

A Sign Of The Times...

... the electronic equivalent of standing on a street corner with a begging bowl...

Guess this is a public call for Koha (Maori word for "love offering")...

I have run out of moolah (several people owe me money) and the landlord for the week-to-week place we are staying at needs rent money TODAY... 

He says he'll give me time to get sorted out if I can get him the $300 for the week that is finishing today... 

IF you think I add value to the world, AND you have enough to share, would you share a little bit of what you have with me and the boy?

See these two posts for some perspectives:

What's It Worth To You

Volunteering - Service or Exploitation

You can contact me through the comments section here, or at sahila@metamind-creative.com

With much thanks and love...

Namaste

Sahila