I Need Help...

 ... and I need it now!

 

 

I know it's a lot to ask...

 

AND I need some help thwarting my son's father's attempt to take custody of the boy by implying I'm an unfit mother...

 

This is/feels much bigger than I can handle by myself... 

 

If you've been reading this blog, you will know this saga has been going on for six years now and I have run out of money, resources and stamina...

All the "free" or "low income" services are snowed under with more demand than they can meet... 

 

So, if anyone knows of a Seattle, Shoreline, Vashon, South Seattle attorney who is willing to do some PRO BONO family law work, would you please let me know ASAP... 

 

Alternatively - If you can/will help me pay a lawyer so that I keep custody of my son, I would be eternally grateful!   I've been told that an attorney would want $US6000 up front to take this on... 

 

I have a donation page set up here: KOHA - Love Offerings

 

With many thanks and much love... knowing that in all things, Thy will, not my will be done...

 

Namaste

 

Sahila

 

 

Insanity Is...

I have to be in court on Friday morning to argue for another Protection Order, to argue against changes to Child Support orders and to answer a Contempt of Court charge, for not forcing the boy to see his father against his will...

I was supposed to prepare responses and counter claims for filing by today...

And I haven't...

For a week now, I have sat down every day to deal with this...

And I have nothing written, no "evidence" gathered...

I've been dumping on myself for falling into the old procrastination, "I want to be saved" pattern...

AND...

This morning I realised I just can't/won't bring myself to add to the crap that's already on the table in this 7-year long family law saga...

I don't want to spend time, energy and trees rehashing all the old toxic stuff, to win this battle... 

AND...

Is that just a self-serving rationalisation/justification to make my refusal to do what needs to be done OK, acceptable?

AND...

I've decided to turn up in court and speak my truth and what will be, will be...

AND...

I'm nauseated, scared shitless that not playing the game will be a huge tactical mistake and cost me (and the boy) dearly...

AND...

This is such a reflection of what goes on in the bigger world... might is right, winners and losers, power and control, conflict to "resolve" differences/settle disputes...

There must be another way...

In Hindu mythology, Mother Durga is the destroyer of evil.

A warrior goddess astride a lion or tiger,

with many weapons in her hands (symbolising Her many powers),

she plunges forth to kill and destroy the Evil,

to protect and cleanse the universe as the occasion arises.

  She is invoked to bring courage and the strength to overcome adversity.

Keeping My Eye On The Prize...

Tough few hours today...

Went into the city to file papers at the court house:

• Notice of Intention to Relocate (to Australia),
• Proposed Amended Parenting Plan, and
• Motion to Convert a Separation to A Dissolution... whew...

Oh, and swallowed my pride and applied to be considered a pauper, so that I didn't have to pay the filing fees (turned out later there were none)...

Sat in the Ex Parte court room, waiting for the Commissioner to make a decision on the In Forma Pauperis application...

She and her clerk got their knickers in a knot because apparently I had used the wrong forms - forms I had downloaded off the Court website!

Then she took a cursory look at the history of this case - six years of horribleness - and got it all wrong, thought I was - or should be - swimming in resources...

I tried to clarify what she had misunderstood without much success... When I get stressed, PTSD and perimenopausal fog make it hard for me to think and articulate clearly what needs to be said...

She was in a hurry and didn't want to listen to my tale of woe, and, deciding I had enough resources to pay the $56 filing fee, denied my application...

As I said, it didn't matter in the end because there was no filing fee... but she didn't have to be such a bitch about it all...

It's really hard moving between the world I'm working with others to create (which has no regard for all of this crap and doesn't recognise the validity of it) and then being pulled back into this one, to get procedural and legal issues - which do still have power over me/us - cleared up...

It took a huge effort to keep my mouth shut, and not give her a lecture about what life is like in the real world for so many people...

Then I tried to serve the papers on my ex-husband's attorney...

He wasn't in his office and none of the office staff would accept the papers and give me a receipt proving I had served them...

Called the attorney, left a message, and shall try again tomorrow...

And if all goes to plan, will be divorced by the middle of next week, and two steps closer to leaving this country WITH my son...

... patience, fortitude, inner calm...

And really, not much of my angst is/was about the process or the bitchy judge... it is/was about the journey with my son's father and the grief of unfulfilled hopes and wishes and dreams...