WTF...

Um, excuse me Universe... 

WTF is going on??? 

I can get onto the websites on which I do my usual social activism stuff, but I can't get onto websites that deal with my financial situation and with finding somewhere to live?

Since when has internet connection been so selective?

I've aligned my priorities, closed down all non-essential tabs and now there's another obstacle in the way...

And I'm fed up with saying "it's OK", "this too will pass", "we are still some of the lucky ones"... 

I know all that is true... AND ... there's no need to take us down to the bare bones to prove the point! 

I've got the message and it's time to move on now, thank you very much!

We have to move - now...

Last night (Thanksgiving night) I learned that there's no nice way to ask the "man of the house" (NB  - important phrase to remember) that is providing refuge for me and my son, to please send his rellies home now, so we could go to bed in the family room, which said rellies were occupying, singing Karaoke, banging drums, yelling, laughing and drinking...

The woman of the house and the daughter had already gone to their beds; the people who were up were her husband and all of his relations...

My son and I were hanging out in a little office/study as there was no spare room with a bed for us to go to... 

I tried hard to be patient; it's just that we were tired, and not used to a lot of loud noise... by midnight, I had almost decided we would sleep on the floor if the gathering didn't end soon...

Background: man of the house and I had had a conversation in the morning, re what time this party was going to go to and what level of inebriation was likely to occur;  from my perspective, I had wanted to know what was happening, to shield the boy from drunken behaviour and because we had been allocated couches to sleep on in the areas that people would be partying in...

Did I mention that my father was an alcoholic who got drunk and very abusive on beer, so family parties were usually something to be dreaded?

Anyway, man of the house had said he expected things to wind down around 7pm...

His wife, who dislikes his family and the parties they have, absented herself all day...

So, at midnight I tentatively went down the stairs to ask the man of the house if could give me some idea about how long he thought things might continue...

His (drunk) male cousin, sitting beside him on the couch, got really aggressive, reminding me of my place in the house and that I had less status than family...

I asked him not to get involved because my question had been to the man of the house...

Man of the house not happy with me, but said they'd probably be another 20 minutes...

2am and the last of them finally left...

(Drunk) man of the house came to seek me out and scolded me for things I have done over the past few days that apparently annoyed him (had had no idea those issues existed) and complained that I had shown him that I did not respect him as the "man of the house"...

He reminded me that though his wife pays the bills, he was still the "man of the house", which, by the way, I had never questioned...

It turns out (and I knew some of this) he and his wife (the woman who is my not-very-close friend/social activism colleague) are having relationship difficulties around lots of issues, INCLUDING their respective education/earning capacities (she's much better educated and earns much more than he does)...

And there is a power/control battle going on over this huge, lovely house that they rebuilt six years ago, which her money has paid for, has been done to her exacting specifications, style and taste and which is now a financial millstone around their joint necks...

It turns out she did not ask the man of the house if we could come and stay here, he thought it was only going to be for a night or two, he doesn't want our cats here (he doesn't want the puppy she got for their daughter six weeks ago) and he resents giving up his "man cave" to us - in a house of 4,200sqft, shared by three people, two cats and a puppy.... 

Lots of projection, lots for me to notice about how people are doing relationships, lots of similarities between this family's power/control dynamic and the previous one we stayed with, lots for me to look back on, regarding my own actions in this house and the previous house-shares we've participated in, and lots to look back on with my two relationships, seeing how any of these issues contributed to the dynamic...

AND... WE NEED TO MOVE - NOW!

It's really hard to be with people who are defensive about where they are at in life;  I can't help it that I know what is going on for them, within themselves and in their relationships - I can't turn off the parts of me which just "know" those things immediately I step into a situation.

I do my best not to reveal/share what I know, unless the person invites me to...

And it's not as though I'm living my life any more graciously than they are;  I'm messing a lot of it up in quite spectacular fashion, if you go by our external circumstances!

So - where next, Life?   Am intending that it be in a place where boy, self, two cats and our bits and pieces can be in peace - either alone or with kindred spirits -  while we complete the legal dances that have been set in motion...  AND that we have plentiful resources to enable that to happen, in ease, dignity and grace...

And so it is...

Blessings Be...