Asking the big and small questions:
Why? Why not? What if?
There's something to be said for Kitchen Table Wisdom - you know, like in the old days when people sat around the kitchen table after a meal and talked about life, the universe and the meaning of it all - as well as the gossip doing the rounds in town...
Well, that's what this place is - a place to share common wisdom, thoughts and feelings about things important and unimportant, that bring us joy, laughter and happiness and that trouble, sadden, confuse and anger us ...
What I write here is what's 'real' for me. It won't always be PC or 'nice'. We're missing out on true connection and chances to grow and change because there's too little authenticity, too little honesty, too much holding back what we really feel and mean.
Welcome to my world...
I used to have a copyright claim here, but I've removed it...
Ideas don't belong to anyone -
they come to those who are receptive and are to be used for the well being of all...
I find images and movies and music all over the web
and I use them to accent/expand on my thoughts and understandings...
If you feel you have experienced or received something of value in reading my posts,
please consider either:
or paying it forward to those who need
material and emotional/spiritual sustenance in this world...
Thank You
As You Think, So It Is - Your Beliefs Create Your Reality
If your Reality isn't Working for You, Create a New One!
Life Unlimited!
Namaste
(the Divine in me, recognises and honours the Divine in you)
It was complete synchronicity that I wrote yesterday about feminine beauty past and present, using photos of French model Isabelle Caro to exemplify how far the pendulum has swung into the realms of unhealthy and horrible...
I didn't even know her name, or the names of the other young women pictured.
And today I read the headlines that she had died (in November)... At the age of 28, after a 15-year journey through the hell of anorexia...
Synchronicity? Was I "tuned in" to other energy fields and picking up what was going on in her life?
Whatever, I feel sad for Isabelle in what she must have endured... and sad that an artificial world, the creation mostly of men, enabled her in that torturous and tortuous travail...
These roses are for Isabelle and all the women - young and old - who have felt so unloved and unaccepted/unacceptable that they fought their minds, bodies and spirits to become someone/something else...
What painters in the late middle ages thought was the epitome of feminine beauty...
...luscious, voluptuous, healthy, well-fed women who could fulfil their roles as wives, mothers, mistresses of households and reflected credit on their husbands and fathers, for being good providers...
This is what (mostly male) fashion designers now think beautiful women should look like...
...women who have no shape, no health, no female characteristics (including fertility), plucked, shaved pre-pubescent girls, almost androgynous...
Do these men hate and fear fully grown, mature, natural, powerful women so much?
And why do we women let mal-adjusted males dictate to us what is normal and beautiful in the feminine form?
December 30th, 2010: Isabelle Caro - the French model whose pictures are the first in the series above - has died from the effects of anorexia nervosa, a disease she had suffered from since she was 13.
She is the third international model to die of anorexia-related causes in recent years.
Isabelle agreed to be the "face" of a campaign to warn young girls of the dangers of anorexia - she was photographed and featured on a billboard during Fashion Week in the US in 2007...
My mother told me once that for women, it hurts to be beautiful...
We're poisoning ourselves every day... for our vanity, to catch a man (or woman) and/or under the false belief that we're caring for ourselves and our appearance...
And this is nothing new - we've been poisoning ourselves for millenia... For example, it used to be arsenic in face and hair powder that slowly killed us...
You'd think we'd know better by now. But the companies making personal care and cosmetic products still use chemicals that are every bit as toxic and dangerous. And now we use them on our babies and children too...
When I was about 12, an American series was playing on Saturday afternoon television in New Zealand... on cold, wet, wintry Saturday afternoons...
And it had this catchy tune, and gorgeous men and spirited women, and lots of romanticism and denial about what life was really like in a logging town in the early days of settlement in the pacific north west...
And I had a crush on David Soul (and his character)...
Loved the theme music, believed the words...
Seattle
The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle And the hills the greenest green, in Seattle Like a beautiful child, growing up, free an' wild Full of hopes an' full of fears, full of laughter, full of tears Full of dreams to last the years, in Seattle . . . in Seattle!
When it's time to leave your home and your loved ones It's the hardest thing a boy can ever do An' you pray that you will find someone warm an' sweet an' kind But you're not sure what's waiting there for you!
The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle And the hills the greenest green, in Seattle Like a beautiful child, growing up, free an' wild Full of hopes an' full of fears, full of laughter, full of tears Full of dreams to last the years, in Seattle . . . in Seattle!
< instrumental break >
When you find your own true love, you will know it By her smile, by the look in her eye Scent of pine trees in the air, never knew a day so fair It makes you feel so proud that you could cry!
The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle And the hills the greenest green, in Seattle Like a beautiful child, growing up, free an' wild Full of hopes an' full of fears, full of laughter, full of tears Full of dreams to last the years, in Seattle . . . in Seattle!
In Seattle . . . in Seattle . . . in Seattle!
If you had told me then that 32 years or so later I would move to Seattle to be with the father of my youngest son, I would not have believed you...
But I did... a long story best saved for another place and time...
BUT... what I do have to say is:
"Liar, Liar Pants on Fire - the bluest skies you've ever seen are not in Seattle... and the hills are not the greenest green in Seattle either!"...
Actually - the hills are very green in Seattle, but that's because of all the rain... maybe 180-200 days of rain and/or grey skies a year, whereas in Brisbane Australia, it's 300 days of sunshine and 65 days of rain.
Brisbane's in the state of Queensland and its tourism marketing board has a branding tagline which, for once, does not exaggerate:
"Queensland - beautiful one day, perfect the next!"
It's not the looks that make the impression necessarily - it's the 'energy', the body language, what's in the eyes (the windows to the soul), what's in the mind, what's in the spirit...
It's how a person carries himself/herself, whether they take the time and trouble to present themselves to you respectfully.
And show they respect themselves by dressing appropriately for the place/occasion, bathing, shaving, wearing matching socks and holding up their trousers with a belt and not the bungee cord I keep in my car!
Average or even ugly (who defines all these terms anyway - they're purely subjective experiences, 'beauty being in the eye of the beholder' and all that) - is totally transformed by eyes that shine with intelligence and humour and goodwill, by a body that walks confidently and yet not arrogantly, by good manners that demonstrate consideration, by language that articulates learning, wisdom, understanding and respect for others, by spirit that emanates love, acceptance and generosity...
Attraction is all pretty idiosyncratic and without any logic...
For myself, I'm not attracted to 'fleshy' faces and ears. I know why I have that preference, I realise its not fair or valid to apply that as a blanket criteria to all men...and it just won't go away...not very mature of me, but there you go.
And badly stained, crooked or missing teeth are a distraction that I have to fight against to give a person my full attention.
And bad teeth make me reluctant to think about kissing him...
And greasy hair - I do not want to run my fingers through a man's greasy hair - natural grease or product...
And the smell/taste of cigarette smoke on his skin and clothes - yuck!
The smell of too much alcohol, especially beer, is a turn-off, as is Old Spice after-shave!
And I'm short and round - I prefer to be with men who are at least my height, preferably taller.
I dated a 'little person' once. I was curious to find out what were my prejudices. I met with him several times. We had interests in common.
It was cool sitting with him at dinner and talking. Great conversation. We were at an equal height...
It was very weird standing up from the table and looking around and down for him. "Where did he go?" was my internal reaction, kinda like looking around for one of my children...
I was used to being the smaller person... and I couldn't visualise the mechanics of making love together...
It didn't go anywhere partly because he wanted to move too fast, and partly because I couldn't get past the height difference... some might call that being shallow and prejudiced and they'd be right ...
Why do women say looks don't matter, but then they don't give us average guys a chance?" This complaint/question was the topic of a conversation I was involved in a while ago with some younger men... It seems to me we have some double standards operating here. I've heard very few men say that for them 'looks don't matter' when they're talking about what it is they want in their 'ideal' partner.
But they do seem to have different criteria for women they're considering as their potential mates to those with whom they're having a casual relationship.
I remember a conversation with my first husband when we began to get serious; we were talking about former boyfriends/girlfriends and the whole sex thing.
We were discussing attraction - what was necessary to develop any kind of relationship and whether there was a difference in what men were looking for if sex was the only thing on their minds. One of his previous 'connections' was mentioned during this conversation. I remember asking him if he had been attracted to this person. As a young woman, I was quite shocked and upset to hear his reply that the general consensus amongst his peers was: "One doesn't look at the mantelpiece when one is stoking the fire"
I find it a little confusing to hear surprise and an "it's not fair, what about the average guy?" lament expressed when men find that women can also have preferences.
Men have been judging women in the looks department for the entire history of the human race and have been refusing to date women who don't look like "Barbie", or Bo Derek or Naomi or whoever is the latest airbrushed fantasy doll.
Remember all the women down through the ages who were considered 'homely', who were the wallflowers at the local dances - trying to believe their elders telling them that it wasn't their looks that counted but what's on the inside and that a genuine person would see that in them and be attracted to them.
So many women living in fear of being that dreaded class - spinsters - because men didn't find them attractive.
I notice on many men's dating site profiles that they are quite picky and detailed in what they find attractive/acceptable/unacceptable about a woman's looks.
Some men are quite specific in their criteria; I've seen men write that they like their women to be all 'girly' - makeup, mini skirts, and high heels. One person was really specific - the heels, he stated, needed to be more than two inches high, and the woman should wear them on casual occasions also. Men have no idea what it takes to maintain that look or what kind of restrictions it puts on your life and activities, or how bad it is for your back and feet to be wobbling along on stilts that pinch your toes all day.
It seems to me these men don't want to be real - have a real relationship with a real, living, walking, talking, feeling human being. They want to live in an illusion. Good luck to them and pity the women they connect with, having to maintain that facade for him for the rest of their lives; the minute they forget to put on their lippy one day and the wrinkles come, he'll be off looking for a younger,'taut and terrific' version (see movies such as The First Wives Club)
Times have changed. Most (western) women don't need partners to survive in life, so maybe they aren't accepting whatever's on offer just out of desperation, and now many men are finding out what it feels like to be judged in a superficial manner.
Love it - Karma - what goes around comes around. Now that the boot's on the other foot, is this complaint sour grapes because some young men don't have the brawn to make the football team (and score with the cheerleaders) or the brains to get into Harvard where all the thinking chicks will line up and fight for them and hang on every word they utter?
And the serious side of that is that this is an opportunity for men and women to move beyond the surface of both themselves and of each other, for growth and understanding and acceptance (not just tolerance) of diversity.
Born in Europe and raised in the southern hemisphere, I've lived in five countries on three continents and in two island nations...
I'm a communications, marketing and PR consultant, broadcast journalist, writer, editor, event manager, fund raiser, narration and voice-over artist...
I'm also a personal growth facilitator, teacher, breath worker, shaman, healer, ordained non-denominational minister and celebrant, in private and public practice...
Diversity, equality and equity, social justice and sustainable community issues are important to me and I'm active in social change groups...
I'm the parent of four children, three of whom are grown up and living in other parts of the world... kinda interesting doing the parenting thing again, from the far side of 50! Not as much energy nor as fast on my feet, but maybe a little more relaxed, wiser and certainly more street smart... as I tell my youngster: "with three older siblings, there's not much point in you trying anything - I've seen it all!"
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