There's something to be said for Kitchen Table Wisdom - you know, like in the old days when people sat around the kitchen table after a meal and talked about life, the universe and the meaning of it all - as well as the gossip doing the rounds in town...

Well, that's what this place is - a place to share common wisdom, thoughts and feelings about things important and unimportant, that bring us joy, laughter and happiness and that trouble, sadden, confuse and anger us ...

What I write here is what's 'real' for me. It won't always be PC or 'nice'. We're missing out on true connection and chances to grow and change because there's too little authenticity, too little honesty, too much holding back what we really feel and mean.

Welcome to my world...

I used to have a copyright claim here, but I've removed it...

Ideas don't belong to anyone -

they come to those who are receptive and are to be used for the well being of all...

I find images and movies and music all over the web

and I use them to accent/expand on my thoughts and understandings...


If you feel you have experienced or received something of value in reading my posts,

please consider either:

Giving a Koha/Love Offering Here - Donate with WePay

or paying it forward to those who need

material and emotional/spiritual sustenance in this world...


Thank You


As You Think, So It Is - Your Beliefs Create Your Reality

If your Reality isn't Working for You, Create a New One!

Life Unlimited!


Namaste

(the Divine in me, recognises and honours the Divine in you)

Sahila




Thursday, February 24, 2011

Don't Know Whether I'm Coming Or Going...




1: It's almost the end of mid-winter break and the boy has been home; we've had fun with play dates and movies (The Voyage of the Dawn Treader and some of the Star Wars series), haircuts, hamburgers and shakes and some new clothes... boy got spectacles and while he won't say they help him see, he wears them everyday - puts them on when he wakes up without being told...

2: Am 99.5% moved out of the old house (now dealing with messiness in two places) and the former housemates have been horrible AGAIN, despite the apology one of them made... in my book, 3 strikes and you're out, so I'm done - not spending any more emotional energy worrying about retrieving anything amicable out of this situation;


3: Am watching the beginnings of revolution around the world and here in the US and am excited, but am sitting back observing, waiting to see if/when serious push back from the authorities will begin and what form that will take;


4: Am wary of what's happening now, because I have the same feeling I did when Obama was elected - better the devil you know than the one you don't and I could tell he wasn't 'real'/didn't have the personal power to walk his talk... 
  

Always felt the 'powers that be' behind the scenes pulling strings, thought it was better to have a black man in charge than a white woman... and having a black man in power has made absolutely no difference at all... in fact, I don't think this country has changed direction - in my view it's going further and faster down the path begun by Reagan in the 80s...

5:  Have lots to write about, but no real alone time to marshal those thoughts into coherent posts - maybe after this last push to finish the move, and the boy going back to school...

6:  Am still confused about what is the next step... stay here or go back to Australia... will continue with the paperwork for the move next week and we'll see how it plays out...


7:  Miss my other children and wondering what it's like for my friends in Christchurch, New Zealand, with this horrible earthquake aftershock happening this week...   Floods in Brisbane, earthquakes in Christchurch - both places I have called home... hard times for many people...

8:  Had a melanoma cut out of my cheek yesterday; now waiting for the biopsy results to see if I need more treatment... melanoma is cancer - shades of the breast cancer journey repeating itself... had female relatives die of breast cancer and a grandfather die of melanoma... would be very weird if my former housemate and I ended up having a race to the cure/death of our very own!


9:  Been busy with education activism on the net; losing interest in challenging and countering the mis-information - a bit burned out, I guess.   More interested now in building something new, but where to start?


10:  Feel like I'm carrying a lot (have had to talk with the boy about us all being alone on our journey), but also am aware of the support I have been getting from some lovely, kind, caring people/energies in this and other dimensions... and so grateful for our warm, cosy little house to stay in... peaceful and calm...

11:  The weather too, doesn't seem to know whether its Arthur or Martha...  It's been trying to snow here for the past two days... lots of flurries but not a lot of it sticking around for long, and then sunny breaks...


All-in-all, a case of mid-winter blah!!!



Monday, February 21, 2011

Prosperity, Happiness & Revolution?


It's a holiday here today (Presidents' Day), plus the start of a week-long, mid-winter break for school children...

(And maybe the start of a revolution?)


Am tired... almost finished moving out of the old house... stuck between messiness in two places now...

Leaving shortly to resume and, hopefully, complete the transition...

Will carry with me this chant, to up the energy...

I usually use a dance mix version to call in the energies before I speak at church/group services...

Enjoy Yeha Noha - wishes for prosperity and happiness...




Saturday, February 19, 2011

Some Are Born Awake...


Sometimes I envy those born after me... so many seem to be born "awake and aware" and committed from birth to living their truth.

They recognise the BS (bullshit) wherever it exists and appear to be unafraid of calling it for what it is...

It SEEMS to me that for many of my generation (and previous ones), that awakening came later in life and consequently with a more difficult weaning/turning away from the dream/illusion...

The young give me joy, hope and inspiration... I am so proud of them...

LYRICS:

that I would be good even if I did nothing

that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt

that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself

that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity

that I would be good
whether with or without you



LYRICS:

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone
I recommend walking around naked in your living room
Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free
Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn



LYRICS:

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
that it alone does not equate to wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion
but enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine, politically aware, and don't believe in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
loving someone can actually feel like freedom? Are you funny and self-deprecating, like adventure, and have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry; I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cause I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure In the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed, more than three times a week, up for being experimental?
Are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
Are you not addicted?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover
 
 

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Judging A Book By Its Cover...




We all do it...

We've made up our minds about a person, a situation, an event, a thing based solely on outward appearances...

And we miss so much of the richness life has to offer us by this short-sightedness...

For example...

I did a bit of self-promotion on Facebook today, putting up links to my two websites - 

If you click on the links, you'll notice that I've used Comic Sans for the font on both...

I got an immediate response from a Facebook connection.   In addition to a private message, she posted the following in public:

SZ: If someone you know just put up a new website promoting their business services....and it's done in Comic Sans, what do you tell them? (My heart stopped when I saw it.)
 
EAS: I would suggest - gently - that perhaps that particular font isn't the most professional-looking. I love that font, it's my favorite for personal correspondence. But definitely a no-no if one wishes to have their business taken seriously.
 
ETB: LOL! Politely suggest to them that it's not really a professional font. What else can you do?
 

SZ:  Brilliant, DD! Loved that link.   I had to tell her the truth because I like her and I know no one will ever hire her based on her website. I glanced at it for ONE SECOND, gasped and clicked off as if I'd seen the most offensive thing in the world. That was my honest reaction. I did tell her Comic Sans' only appropriate use is for a birthday party invitation for a kid under 5.  EAS, why, oh why, do you "love that font?" Doesn't it scream "immature" to you?

EAS: Hehe... you say "immature", I say "free-spirited". Hence my only using it for personal stuff. ;)  The link was awesome, too. Yet another example of inappropriate font usage. ;)

MY RESPONSE:
Sahila ChangeBringer: I want to thank you SZ for your feedback, and you're not the first person who has had that reaction, and been good enough (really, I appreciate the honesty and courage) to let me know what they think.

            I use the font DELIBERATELY... One of the ideas I work with, with my mainstream and 'other' clients, is that our beliefs shape our reality... and those beliefs are often based on ideas that might once have had value but are for the most part obsolete... and judging someone as "professional" or "immature" by the font they use is one of these cases...

            I sometimes facilitate workshops (where none of the participants have met me before), turning up in the scruffiest, oldest clothes I can find...

            I don't try to establish my credibility... I don't really introduce myself, we don't do the round of 'feel good' warm-up stuff, we just get straight into the hard stuff...

            I do it to move people out of their comfort zone, to take them off balance and to get them to recognise their own limited perceptions and how they respond when things are presented in ways other than the 'norm' or 'the professional'....

            And at the end, I explain what I was doing and why I was doing it... and I ask them to notice their response... It's very eye-opening...

            How much do we each clutter and filter our perceptions about life and people based on how it/they 'appear' to us? Do I only have credibility if I present myself in a certain way?

            How do you judge a beggar on the street? Do you judge him as a 'loser' by his clothes, or can you see past that outward appearance and be open, listen to the wisdom of his experience/life journey?


I've seen the most 'professional' looking people do the most unkind things, and not be good at their jobs...


I've seen the poorest, most 'unattractive' people give and give of their love,  possessions, practicality, common sense and hard physical labour until you would think there was nothing left to give, and then they'd give some more...

I've read the most wonderful words in tattered, humbly bound and  plainly typeset books...


... and the most vapid claptrap in lavish, high quality production tomes...


You can't tell a book by its cover...





Wednesday, February 16, 2011

No Words Required...


Except it's Wednesday!


Original Rezso Seress Lyrics (English Translation):

World Has Come To It's End

't is autumn with withered
leaves whirling.
On earth, love among
people has died.
With tears of sorrow the
autumn wind's sobbing,
for a new spring my heart
is too hopeless to wait.
In vain all my tears, all
my sufferings in vain,
heartless the people, wicked
and all full of greed...

Love has died!

The world and all hope
has come to its end,
Cities wiped out in
resounding shrapnel.
Bright meadows with human
blood coloured red.
Dead people scattered
on the streets everywhere.
So once more quietly
I will say my prayer:
"My Lord, people are
erring and prone to sin...

World has come to its end!


László Jávor Lyrics:

Sunday is gloomy
My hours are slumberless
Dearest the shadows
I live with are numberless
Little white flowers
Will never awaken you
Not where the black coach
Of sorrow has taken you
Angels have no thoughts
Of ever returning you
Would they be angry
If I thought of joining you?

Gloomy Sunday 

Gloomy is Sunday
With shadows I spend it all
My heart and I
Have decided to end it all
Soon there'll be candles
And prayers that are said I know
But let them not weep
Let them know that I'm glad to go
Death is no dream
For in death I'm caressing you
With the last breath of my soul
I'll be blessing you
Gloomy Sunday
 

Dreaming, I was only dreaming
I wake and I find you asleep
In the deep of my heart here
Darling I hope
That my dream never haunted you
My heart is telling you
How much I wanted you
Gloomy Sunday






As You Think...


...So It Is...

I've told the universe/Divine that if it wants to send me a message, it has to do it three times, so that I know I'm not just making things up...

Well, this song came my way three times in the past 48 hours, so am posting it as an antidote to the doom and gloom stuff...

WITH THANKS TO LENORE MAREE...

I'm being reminded to live my own tag line:  "As you think, so it is... Your beliefs create your reality..."

And no, I'm not saying Life is as schmaltzy as the lyrics imply, but there is beauty and love aplenty to be found... and I have lots of it expressing itself in my family and friends - I am indeed fortunate....

LYRICS:

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,
Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together,

Brighter than a lucky penny,

When you're near the rain cloud disappears, dear,

And I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.


My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,

That's how this refrain goes, so come on, join in everybody!


Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,

Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way

When you're in love to stay.


Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,

Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together,

Brighter than a lucky penny,

When you're near the rain cloud disappears, dear,

And I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.


My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,

That's how this refrain goes, so come on, join in everybody!


Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows,

Everything that's wonderful is sure to come your way

'Cause you're in love, you're in love,

And love is here to stay



Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Yes... I Know, I Know...


... the last post was a whiney 'poor me' sulk from a privileged, middle class, middle-aged white woman who really doesn't have anything to bitch about...

In all our travails, my son and I have always still had:
  • a warm and dry roof over our heads
  • running water, sewer and heating
  • clothes on our backs and shoes on our feet
  • food for the next meal and some left over
  • a vehicle to get us around and petrol in the tank
  • books, music, toys and other things with which to entertain ourselves
  • medical and dental care when we've needed it
  • caring people in our lives
  • the ability to access resources to help us

and we still have that... and there is only the NOW... so what am I complaining about?

Is it my sense of entitlement that's driving this dis-satisfaction?

I remember feeling guilty when I was driving us to legal appointments at the Refugee Women's Alliance, when I was dealing with the domestic violence and immigration issues, passing by other women (mostly non-white) waiting with their children, in the rain, at bus stops ...


I remember feeling guilty when I accessed and accepted the help of various agencies in dealing with our issues and needs... there was I, white, middle-class, educated, english-speaking, knowing how and where to look for help, taking/using resources women less equipped than I also needed ...


But then I also had a young child to care for, no money, was an (unintentional) illegal immigrant, had cancer, no family here, no support network - wasn't I just as entitled?

Why shouldn't we all feel entitled?   

Don't we all deserve the basic necessities of life, and a little more to satisfy the yearnings of the soul?

And there is enough to go around in this world... the issue is one not one of lack but rather one of control and distribution of resources...

Some of my hard-core socialist colleagues argue that the middle class is the enemy because it doesn't act in solidarity with the working class and the poor against the tyranny of the rich...

But I don't see why anyone should be expected to feel guilty for an accident of birth that placed them in the ranks of the 'haves', rather than the 'have nots'...

And I don't think the solution is to reduce everyone to the level of the 'have nots' just to satisfy the definitions of balance, equality and equity...


What needs to happen is a redistribution of wealth, power, control, resources so that we all have what the English call "elegant sufficiency"... enough to eat to be satisfied and not so much that we're so stuffed we can't move comfortably...

How to make that happen?

What makes people so insecure that they think a bigger house, bigger car, more 'stuff' will give them a safe place in the world, will prove/advertise their value, will give them power and control over their lives?

How many toilets does a family of four really need in one house?   How many square feet of space, how many rooms do they need to spread out in?


How to make them aware that when they have/take more than they need, someone, something else, somewhere else has to make do with less than they need, because this is a closed system we're living in?


How to make the uber rich give up 99% of what they have and share that with the 99% of other humans on the planet?


Does an uber rich man like Bill Gates, for example, think about the billions of children starving around the world, as he feeds, clothes and educates his own kids?   

Yes, he's doing the philanthropic bit through his Gates Foundation (about which I have some serious questions to ask, on another post), but he is still living a life of excess... 

And to make that excess possible, others have to give up necessities...


Which brings me back to my own situation...

Much of where I'm at is a result of CHOICE... 

I'm choosing not to rejoin the corporate world;  I'm choosing not to do lucrative work that's been offered because I don't want to continue/add to what, in my view, is a severely dysfunctional paradigm...

But where to take that choice next, to build a sustainable life?

How would I live in a more "aware" manner, taking less so that those who "have not" can have more?

I'm living in a large city where communities are not well resourced...

One has to either do without or travel large distances to get what one needs...

I'm driving an older van that's not wonderfully fuel efficient but is very useful for moving 'stuff' from one living space to another!

I'm driving 20 miles each day (2 trips of 10 miles each, there and back) to take my son to school, using gas, time and energy... it seems better to keep him in the same school community to give him some sense of stability and security, than to move him around from school to school as our life circumstances change...

I'm driving 40 miles several times per month to take my son to the dentist to have his retainers adjusted (he doesn't have enough room in his jaws for his adult teeth and the retainers are making that space)...

Why on earth would I drive 40 miles for that?   Because I couldn't find another dentist nearby who treats children, who doesn't use flouride and mercury and other toxins to clean, maintain and repair teeth...

I don't buy and hoard large quantities of food/household supplies... I don't buy in bulk... I try to buy organic, locally produced food that's in season...

We don't have all the latest gadgets, electronic toys, fads...

We don't do sports, alcohol, 'fine dining' and 'entertainment'...

I have few wants and desires; I try to live simply - and I know and acknowledge that my version of "living simply" would make other less fortunate people gasp...

Is this attitude one of 'entitlement'?

Am I merely 'justifying' my 'right' to my relative 'wealth'?

What else is it my responsibility to do, to even the scales a little on this planet?

Rainy Days & Mondays...


Always get me down.... 


Am seriously pissed off...  

Thought it might be only a Monday thing and that there isn't an intimate  Valentine in my life and my other kids are far away... 

But no, woke up this morning and am still "out of sorts"...

Don't want to do my usual and look for the silver lining in the clouds, of which there are plenty, real and metaphorical - clouds I mean, not necessarily silver linings...

It's still raining... which is depressing, considering my Vitamin D levels are chronically low; I do best in a warm sunny climate, or a cold sunny climate and Seattle's a predominantly grey, wet, chilly climate - and so, that sucks...


I'm still in the process of moving; how does a 52 year old woman and a 7 year old child accumulate so much stuff in such a short space of time?   

That was a rhetorical question - I know how and why; subconsciously in creating our first home in Seattle in 2008, I was trying to gather up/recreate all the strands of my earlier life, my former identity, after I chose to abandon it all... but in my earlier life, in my earlier identity, I was the reasonably well-off, middle-class matriarch of a family of five, living the reasonably well-off, middle-class life in New Zealand... 

Times have changed, circumstances have changed, I have changed... but there's still a dissonance between that reality and where I'm at in my head/heart/spirit space...

And now it's taking endless hours, the energy of 6 people, three vehicles and several tanks of gas to pack and move all that 'stuff' from the old house, into storage while the next step on this journey reveals itself...


Two moves in four months, with another move coming sometime in the next 2-5 months... F * * K!   What for all the stuff and what for all the moves?

And with the moving, still all the questions about schooling, moving to Australia, money, work... nothing solid to count on, no-one to pass the responsibility and accountability buck to, all falling on me, myself and I...

A huge test of trust and faith - in myself and in the Divine, that it's all unfolding as it should...

And then there's the stuff that's coming up with the EMDR work I've started - never any fun dredging up old trauma, but when it gets in the way of building a new life, then there's more to lose in not doing it, than in beginning to dig...

And then there's normal mundane small crappy annoyances, like this old, slow computer and unreliable internet connection, taking me three times as long to do what I want/need, taking me away from my child and other things I want to do...

I'm tired...

I'm fed up with worrying about how many trips to school I can make on an 1/8 of a tank of gas; about how to make sure the money that does come in doesn't get swallowed up paying insufficient funds fees; about calculating how many days I have to 'swing it' between bills due and money coming in to pay part of them; about not freaking when more and more things need time, attention, energy and money to fix or keep working or to replace; about how much longer people will give us what we need, trusting me to pay what I owe over time...

And it's really, really weird to hear myself laughing about this if I tell people what's really going on...

On the one hand, this is no laughing matter; on the other, there is nothing left for me to do but laugh... crying won't change it, ranting and raving won't fix it, self-pity is useless - I created this situation, so there's no one else to blame and sitting down and giving up is not an option with a youngster to protect and nurture...

So I laugh...



Crazy...


And fed up with all the doom and gloom...

 
People must be sick of my postings and re-postings about the crap going on in the world... 

I know I am...

But it feels like I see nothing much changing, so people still aren't listening, seeing...  if they do hear and see, how come they don't then do?

None of this information is hard to find - it's right there in front of us...

How come people haven't noticed, don't know this stuff, haven't figured it out for themselves?

There's all this jubilation about the so-called "revolution" in Egypt... what revolution?   Mubarak is gone, but the military is in power and is pushing back, bullying journalists and the people... what has changed?

I keep trying to stop passing on the information that comes my way, but then I get sucked back in by some warped sense of responsibility... this has to be done, someone has to 'witness'... damn!

Feel a bit like Noah, who tried to warn people, was ignored, and then just had to concentrate on doing his best for his family, those who would listen and the animals.... you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink... personal responsibility comes into this... there are none so blind as those who will not see...

 
Wish this human world would just hurry up and finish self-destructing so that those of us who are left can rebuild something better...

And if there's nothing left, so what?   Gaia existed for eons without us and will do so quite well again...

And for those who think the human spirit is something special that would be an enormous loss if we went extinct,  I don't agree.

Energy cannot be created or destroyed.   That energy which now is manifested as human, will re-emerge in creation somewhere else, in some other form... nothing is ever lost - it's only transformed, transmuted...


For myself, I'm about ready to stop talking about the problems, and to concentrate on BUILDING something new for myself and my son and our community... 

Not sure what I'm going to be doing, where or with whom, but I do know it's time to change focus... 

I'm noticing other people/groups out there concentrating on creating other possible futures; I need to find out more and see if that's a path for me...