There's something to be said for Kitchen Table Wisdom - you know, like in the old days when people sat around the kitchen table after a meal and talked about life, the universe and the meaning of it all - as well as the gossip doing the rounds in town...

Well, that's what this place is - a place to share common wisdom, thoughts and feelings about things important and unimportant, that bring us joy, laughter and happiness and that trouble, sadden, confuse and anger us ...

What I write here is what's 'real' for me. It won't always be PC or 'nice'. We're missing out on true connection and chances to grow and change because there's too little authenticity, too little honesty, too much holding back what we really feel and mean.

Welcome to my world...

I used to have a copyright claim here, but I've removed it...

Ideas don't belong to anyone -

they come to those who are receptive and are to be used for the well being of all...

I find images and movies and music all over the web

and I use them to accent/expand on my thoughts and understandings...


If you feel you have experienced or received something of value in reading my posts,

please consider either:

Giving a Koha/Love Offering Here - Donate with WePay

or paying it forward to those who need

material and emotional/spiritual sustenance in this world...


Thank You


As You Think, So It Is - Your Beliefs Create Your Reality

If your Reality isn't Working for You, Create a New One!

Life Unlimited!


Namaste

(the Divine in me, recognises and honours the Divine in you)

Sahila




Friday, December 10, 2010

It's Been A Hard Week...

 
It seems it's my time to break some more old, unhelpful patterns and face up to shortcomings that sabotage my capacity to live a full and abundant life...

“Who ever battles with monsters had better see that it does not turn himself into a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.” - Nietzsche



John Henry Fuseli - The Nightmare

I've been fighting (for quite a long time) internal grief about loss in my life - loss of innocence, self, family, roots, connection, belonging, home - and most recently losing the home I created 2.5 years ago for myself and my son. 

I've also been fighting my resistance to change, to acceptance of the reality of our situation, and feeling a sense of despair at what's going on in the outside world and not wanting to participate in that paradigm any longer...

All of which have left me feeling stuck, paralysed, not knowing what to do for the best, nor willing to take any steps forward...

I've been feeling like I've been straddling the abyss... one foot in my old life wanting to hang on to that, the other foot in my new reality knowing that the old patterns will no longer work - not for who I am now or for the world that is coming into being...


But I'm frozen in that place - I can't go back to the old but I'm feeling too scared, that I don't have enough momentum, to jump into the new...

I'm not confident there's a safety net there to catch me, even though inner guidance says there is, that there's nothing to fear, that the fear is False Evidence Appearing Real...



For many of us, the inclination is to resist change until the pain/discomfort of a situation becomes unbearable... 

Well, life has this (nasty) little habit of pushing us into a corner and forcing change, if we won't go there voluntarily.

I've been 'hiding' from the world and from success... I've been spending all my time, energy and focus on social and education activism, working to change things on the outside, hoping to avoid having to change things on the inside.

I know what I've been doing is valuable and has had an impact - people write and phone me from all over, they stop me in the street to thank me for what I'm doing, people across the globe read this blog... 

And for me, the panic, pain, discomfort is around financial shortage... I haven't been getting paid for spending all of this energy and time and my efforts to "save the world" have left us financially impaired... 

There are other factors in that financial equation over which I have no control, but I'm the one who's been making the choices about what I focus on and how I spend my time...

This past week, I finally ran out of wiggle room and now I need to get 'real'  - find/generate/manifest meaningful quantities of income immediately... 

I need to acknowledge my responsibilities to myself and my child, "save" us first, stop waiting for others who owe us energetic and financial debts to "do the right thing" and step up...

I need to acknowledge, own and put right those areas in my life and those relationships where I'm out of financial and energetic integrity with others...

I need to feel the grief I've been avoiding and keep moving forward anyway...

Sometimes all that's needed is the recognition and owning of what's going on for the shift to happen; more often though, what's needed is action in line with the new understanding - and that's the bit I've been avoiding...

But the cost of being an ostrich in this particular situation, is more than 10 times the cost of dealing with some of these issues when they first arose - an expensive (but obviously necessary to get the understanding!) experience...

And I need to soften towards myself in that... 

Healing from the wounds that have brought me to this place inside first takes awareness and then love and time.

We're all doing the best we can with what we've got...

If we could do it any better, we would... 




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