There's something to be said for Kitchen Table Wisdom - you know, like in the old days when people sat around the kitchen table after a meal and talked about life, the universe and the meaning of it all - as well as the gossip doing the rounds in town...

Well, that's what this place is - a place to share common wisdom, thoughts and feelings about things important and unimportant, that bring us joy, laughter and happiness and that trouble, sadden, confuse and anger us ...

What I write here is what's 'real' for me. It won't always be PC or 'nice'. We're missing out on true connection and chances to grow and change because there's too little authenticity, too little honesty, too much holding back what we really feel and mean.

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they come to those who are receptive and are to be used for the well being of all...

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As You Think, So It Is - Your Beliefs Create Your Reality

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Life Unlimited!


(the Divine in me, recognises and honours the Divine in you)


Saturday, May 22, 2010

Do Women Initiate Break-Ups More Often than Men?

A man complained plaintively on another blog a while ago:

"Why do women initiate break-ups more often than men?"

I don't know if it is true that women initiate more break-ups than men...

However, in my experience (20-year first relationship, 4-year second), I did call it quits first.

In my first marriage, after many years of minor-level dissatisfaction, my husband called me on it the day after our 18th wedding anniversary, saying "why don't you just be honest and say you want out?"...

So I said I did...

Problem was, I didn't really...

I wanted him to say:

"Honey, I love you so much that yes, we'll go to counselling and work this out".

He didn't, and three weeks later started dating other women. I think I gave him his excuse to move on - he hadn't had the " balls" to make the move to split.

In my second relationship/marriage, I ended it because there was abuse going on; marriage counselling didn't help (it doesn't in domestic violence cases because the problem isn't within the relationship - it lies within the abuser who has an overwhelming need to exercise power and control) and there was the well being of a young child to consider.

In my opinion, men act like ostriches with their heads in the sand about things that aren't working in the relationship, and then act all surprised and hurt when the woman finally calls a halt.

It seems that they don't hear, or attach any importance to, a woman articulating that from her perspective things are not going well, that issues need attention or else a break-up is likely.

I don't know why men want to ignore obvious red flags; maybe they don't have the nerve to face the challenge of working something through - its too hard; it requires that they'll have to open up, communicate, be willing to be vulnerable. Or they might have to alter the 'status quo' which might have been working in their favour.

Maybe they're being dismissive about a woman's concerns, putting it down to her being too emotional, not rational or logical, or that its because it's 'that time of the month'. Perhaps they hope that if they ignore it, it will all blow over and everything will be honky-dory again.

Well, guys - hate to tell you this... but not facing up to it is the surest path you could ever take to a split. And by not wanting to deal with the small stuff, you end up cutting off your nose to spite your face and losing the whole relationship.

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