Late/early to bed on New Year's morning, with a couple of glasses of good red wine going through the system while enjoying pleasant times with friends...
Led to colourful dreams...
Dreams of losing my daughters - or younger versions of them - in the middle of the international district of a city that was an amalgam of Brisbane, Seattle and Singapore...
Being confused and feeling paralysed because I would have to leave my youngest son to go and find them, something I could not do... people wearing orange (second chakra, creativity, unconditional love) helping look for them...
Dreams of having my youngest son's father suddenly discovering contrition, a conscience and a generous heart of gold, there with his cheque book open as I try to give our child the best start in life possible...
Dreams of my first husband arriving at the door, wanting to put right two wrongs he committed a long time ago, one against his second daughter, and the other against me which has contributed to my less than easy financial status now...
Dreams of being in a canoe with my youngest, rowing/gliding past other boats filled with tense people paddling quite urgently in the other direction...
What do the dreams tell me about what I want and need, deep down?
I want to be near all my children as they settle and perhaps have families of their own... I miss them a lot and I don't want to be separated from them for much longer.
Taking this journey with my youngest son and his father has taken me away from them... More than that, my own journey to self-actualisation has taken me away from them - something I had to do but which has hurt and confused them in many ways...
I have a need for some kind of natural justice to prevail - for wrongs to be put right and for reconciliation to take place... and I haven't given up hope for that, despite plenty of evidence that it's not likely to happen...
I need to honour and use my own creativity to get myself out of what I sometimes feel is a deep hole that I've dug for myself; there are people there to help if I will just accept that help and my learning in this is about giving and receiving unconditional love to/from myself and others...
And finally, to keep going down my own path, even when everyone is apparently rowing the other way. It doesn't matter what other people are doing, or what they think about my choices - my soul and my intuition know where we have to go and what's right for us... We need to continue to lead our own life, going in our own direction on our own time-line...
So what am I really dreaming of, wishing for, in 2011?
- Peace and health of body, mind, heart and spirit
- Love, laughter and joy
- Sanity in the world
- Strength to stay true to myself
- Personal integrity in those areas where I'm currently not walking my talk
- The resources, personal and material, to parent my son well
- To give what I can of my gifts, time, energy and love to the outside world
- To live in sanctuary near my other children
And as I have written, so it is...
Blessings Be...
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