Insanity Is...

I have to be in court on Friday morning to argue for another Protection Order, to argue against changes to Child Support orders and to answer a Contempt of Court charge, for not forcing the boy to see his father against his will...

I was supposed to prepare responses and counter claims for filing by today...

And I haven't...

For a week now, I have sat down every day to deal with this...

And I have nothing written, no "evidence" gathered...

I've been dumping on myself for falling into the old procrastination, "I want to be saved" pattern...

AND...

This morning I realised I just can't/won't bring myself to add to the crap that's already on the table in this 7-year long family law saga...

I don't want to spend time, energy and trees rehashing all the old toxic stuff, to win this battle... 

AND...

Is that just a self-serving rationalisation/justification to make my refusal to do what needs to be done OK, acceptable?

AND...

I've decided to turn up in court and speak my truth and what will be, will be...

AND...

I'm nauseated, scared shitless that not playing the game will be a huge tactical mistake and cost me (and the boy) dearly...

AND...

This is such a reflection of what goes on in the bigger world... might is right, winners and losers, power and control, conflict to "resolve" differences/settle disputes...

There must be another way...

In Hindu mythology, Mother Durga is the destroyer of evil.

A warrior goddess astride a lion or tiger,

with many weapons in her hands (symbolising Her many powers),

she plunges forth to kill and destroy the Evil,

to protect and cleanse the universe as the occasion arises.

  She is invoked to bring courage and the strength to overcome adversity.