Response...

My post yesterday impelled Angelique to respond...

Which was a lovely gift, because her expression of caring and concern in turn solidified some thinking/feeling, settled an ambivalence I had been feeling about the journey as it's been unfolding...

Angelique said...

Plan "B" ... is more I think ... we'll see how it goes form here ... ;)

 

Hope you can make a decission because what I read out of your story ..... well ..... you aren't doing well.

 

Moving house again and again...having no place of your own.

 

Could you have a place of your own Down Under? Or would you be in the same situation?

 

Take care. Wish I could help you...

 

 

Sahila said...

Angelique..... thank you so much for your response and for your caring....

 

Whenever I get on my "pity-pot" and feel sorry for myself and my son, I remind myself of all the blessings we do have, and that the NOW is all there is - I/we could be dead in the next minute...

 

In the NOW, we have absolutely everything we need - people who love us, a warm, dry roof over our heads, clothes/shoes to wear, food to eat, even a vehicle with enough petrol in the tank to get us to wherever we want to go today...

 

We have far more even than that - we have toys, books, music, film/videos, a computer, the internet and choice...

 

I have a good brain, am able to articulate and write what I think and feel and KNOW and (still) have some freedom to express that...

 

All of which is much, much more than most of the world's other people have... So, in the NOW - which is all there really is - what have I got to bitch about? Any complaining I do, is ingratitude...

 

It's funny, because the Tarot card for yesterday (when I wrote this post), which I didn't look at till this morning, was the 5 of Pentacles and the interpretation that came with it was this:

 

"The Five of Pentacles card suggests that my power today lies in DEFIANCE. We are willing to reject the sure thing or accept excommunication to try to make it on our own rather than endure the status quo or submit to conditions that assume we are invisible -- in this, we have nothing to lose. We accept responsibility for the difficulties ahead and do not seek pity for having chosen against the grain. I am empowered by mutual support and my assets are self-worth, hope, and pride." ...

 

I'm finding my way to a new place in life - as we all are, which is manifesting right now in the #Occupy movement that is spreading across the US and internationally...

 

And that new place is about not having any attachment to situation, places, things... but living in the NOW and our primary relationships being with people and other creatures and the planet...

 

Everything else is a distraction...

 

And my difficulty has been stepping fully into that space - the spirit is willing but the ego is weak, or rather, strong! - and taking my son into that world with me...

 

I've been feeling ambivalence about taking him so far out of the mainstream - which is the only path that FEELS right for me - and a fear that I am not giving him the values, tools and place he needs to operate in the current paradigm...

 

And as I write this, and I "feel" it and I look back on how far I have already come, I realise that he's my son and came into my life at this time in my evolution because this is his journey too... he needs me to make way for him into the new future so many of us are working for...

 

It's no longer the world for which I raised my other children... My son - and his generation - will be growing into a new world, that the #Occupy advocates are working on creating now... and he and I are part of that...

 

If I/we could be with them in New York, I/we would be...

I'm filled with excitement and anticipation at where this path is taking us... even though I have no clear sense of where/how that is/will be!

 

 

"The Five of Pentacles is often understood as a perilous Tarot card, signifying a tough time, financial hardship and struggle.

 

The Five of Pentacles recalls the ups and downs of our relationships. All couples have their biorhythms, so to speak. When the Five of Pentacles appears, it suggests things are tough but you can weather the storm. These struggles are precisely the moments that define you as a couple. That with the bitter comes the sweet. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

 

The beauty and hope thriving within the Five of Pentacles card comes via the bright light shimmering through the stained glass window above the couple. Salvation is possible should they choose to seek it.

 

Should the the Five of Pentacles appear for you and you happen to be going through a tough time, let it stand as a reminder things will get better. You will make it through stronger, tougher and wiser..."

 

~ Tarot Diva - Five Of Pentacles