I was told yesterday that my housemate has terminal cancer and it would probably be best if Connor and I move (again!).
Decisions, decisions - if we have to move again, the second time in four months, should we stay in the US or go back to Australia?
There are things I can still do here; follow through on intentions, clean up loose ends, build connections, help shepherd in/midwife the changes that are coming ...
And Connor identifies more and more each day with being American - and he's attached to his friendships... and his cats... and his stuff!
I don't want to grow old and die here; unless there was a hugely gratifying personal relationship that made it worth staying here, I want to go "home" - wherever that is...
And I need sunshine and warmth!
Decisions, decisions - if we have to move again, the second time in four months, should we stay in the US or go back to Australia?
There are things I can still do here; follow through on intentions, clean up loose ends, build connections, help shepherd in/midwife the changes that are coming ...
And Connor identifies more and more each day with being American - and he's attached to his friendships... and his cats... and his stuff!
I don't want to grow old and die here; unless there was a hugely gratifying personal relationship that made it worth staying here, I want to go "home" - wherever that is...
And I need sunshine and warmth!
But I am 52, have lived in five countries and starting again, again, is hard work, especially with no nest egg or financial safety net... it's never the same, moving back - time marches on, people march on, I've changed... it's not as simple as just picking up the old threads and continuing with the pattern of life...
My daughters are in Brisbane - building relationships and probably having babies sometime soon. I still have active friendships there and we have a place to stay for the first three months if we want.
I've got to see about legal issues & whether the Protection Order will be valid in Australia, it will take 60 days to get court permission to take Connor out of the US, need $$$ for passports, airfares, to ship stuff; thinking, thinking, thinking...
Not sure what to do for the best...
The chemotherapy my housemate will be having every three weeks initially is palliative only, and it's going to be rough here - people coming and going, vomiting, hair falling out, stress, sadness, anger, grief, depression...
My daughters are in Brisbane - building relationships and probably having babies sometime soon. I still have active friendships there and we have a place to stay for the first three months if we want.
I've got to see about legal issues & whether the Protection Order will be valid in Australia, it will take 60 days to get court permission to take Connor out of the US, need $$$ for passports, airfares, to ship stuff; thinking, thinking, thinking...
Not sure what to do for the best...
The chemotherapy my housemate will be having every three weeks initially is palliative only, and it's going to be rough here - people coming and going, vomiting, hair falling out, stress, sadness, anger, grief, depression...
I've already helped both my parents to die, and then taken care of the "cleaning up after them" that comes with that...
While this is a part of life, I'm not sure it's a journey Connor needs to go on, (being asked to curtail his normal 7-year old energy and noise levels to provide a restful environment and to face what illness and death means) and I'm not sure I need to relive my own cancer experience...
While this is a part of life, I'm not sure it's a journey Connor needs to go on, (being asked to curtail his normal 7-year old energy and noise levels to provide a restful environment and to face what illness and death means) and I'm not sure I need to relive my own cancer experience...
No comments:
Post a Comment